Blind Submission

I finished this book the night before but didn't have the time to touch the computer till right now. Anyways, if I ever said a book was good, that was clearly because I hadn't yet read this one. I've never heard of the author and read somewhere that she used to write only memoirs and that this was her first novel; not very promising of a good read eh. However, I'm just guessing she must've just been saving the best for hopefully not the last; cuz this book is AWESOME! It's got a twist that's nerve wrecking enuff to keep you reading all night long and a redhead as a main character; an Italian hero that never gets tired of baking. Where can you get that? xp

I personally love this book and just untuk cukup syarat, I'd say this: It's a very satisfying read. :)

ps: unfortnately, when I brought it with me back to Penang, one of the lil couzies sat on it and the front page has an OBVIOUS scar. DANGIT! I feel like crying.

Such a Drag

Personally, I love my hair when it's long, and adore it when it's short. However, I ultimately HATE it when it's in between! Yea, like right now. xp


I personally think I look like a drag (and not a very pretty one either) right now. My two previous cuts were hell short and I'd figured this time I'd be patient enuff to let it grow. God knows how wrong I was. It feels like forever! x(

Everything feels a drag right now. The holidays, the fact that it can't be counted as a holiday cuz I can't DARN IT go ANYWHERE! Then there's the chores. I can't well enuff complain cuz I ain't exactly doin everything myself nemore. Yea, I got the dweebs to finally help around. But then again, they wake up at 10 everyday while I have to be roaming downstairs by 7 if I wanna skip the "talk" from Abah. It's FREAKIN STRESSIN! T.T Oh classes, plz start soon..

Sometimes I wished I studied somewhere further so I can be away from home once in a while. It's a thought that can never be uttered out loud, not in this house. Not in any house I think. Sure, parents would always be parents. Whtevr.

I miss my jimbons. I miss them gila2. And I can't believe I MIGHT not be able to see them AT ALL this holiday. Is that fair? They planned to go out some time before and though I know I wouldn't be able to tag along, I told them I'd ask my parents - but I didn't. I told them the day after that I can't, not exactly cuz my parents didn't allow, but then again, it's best to leave the thought like so. I knew if I'd asked my parents, they wouldn't answer, they'd EXPECT me to give in. I just know it. So, I did. I gave in before even attempting. Then night came and I wanted to know what they'd say after all. So, I passed through the kitchen, where my parents were having supper, poured a glass of water and said in the most calm manner, as if whether they heard me or not would not bother me the slightest bit, "depa ajak I kluaq pi Sunway today actually." Then I drank. Which is a rather strategical way to burst a story cuz you can innocently witness their reaction while you drink and they might not even notice it meant the world to you - better than waiting in awkward silence for a reply, right? Anyways, my dad sighed, my mom remained silent. Then my dad spoke. "If I were given a choice, having mak in this condition right now, I would prefer not going to work, staying home instead just to take care of her." He didn't need to tell me they wouldn'tve allowed me out. What he said precisely interprets: "You shouldn't even WANT to go out with mak like this! You should know well enuff that you are needed at home (as if my other 4 siblings are helpless without me) and family always comes first! You have ULTIMATELY let me down!" Yea, that's exactly what it interprets. I don't know what to think nemore. It's immensely frustrating to have parents who wouldn't listen to you. Add the fact that they LOVE finding the fault in you even when you've been at your best rly makes me feel like heading to the north pole and live with polar bear parents (cuz eskimos are ppl too and human parents are all the same).

Indeed I'm very much stressed out. What more with my STUPID results. I can't find one thing this holiday that I'm insanely happy about.

However, I can't sulk all through the hols now can I? So I baked a pie today! O yea! I succesfully baked an apperantly horrifying looking, but surprisingly superbly delicious apple pie. :D

Let It Go

Let it go Boi! Just let it go!

It was the last thing I heard myself say before I opened my eyes and found myself sleeping on Chamat under the covers. I reached out for my phone, flipped it open to check the time but I found it was dead. *sigh* I held the power button to turn it on and left it aside. Thank God, it was just a dream. I hugged Chamat tight cuz it was freezing and I could feel the hairs on my arms stood as I whispered "sejuknye!" hoping Chamat would hear me. Wouldn't it be great if he did; even if there wouldn't be any respond, but knowing he hears me is good enuff. I recalled the dream I just had, of Chena, Mary, Boi and myself; but it was hard. I could picture it like a scene , shot from an angle far and high like in the movies; where the camera would be tilted slightly to capture the act. But unfortunately I couldn't tell what was goin on. Did it matter? Dreams are just dreams anyway.

We were in a carpark in front of a Wallmart that looked half the size it usually is with neon lights that blinked as if it was gonna die anytime soon; the place was dark and quiet, but we were loud. Finally, Boi and I got into my Kia cuz I was sending him home and we drove off. He sat there, staring down into his palms. He suddenly spoke sumthing but I couldn't recall it; he was telling me sumthing. He had problems and he suddenly started crying softly. I remained silent, trying hard to listen.

What was it? I couldn't recall. But then I rememberred myself telling him to just let go of it; and I rememberred it ever so loudly that it kept ringin in my head even as I stayed quietly under the covers.

Let it go Boi! Just let it go!

I wouldn't know what it meant, if it was to mean anything at all. Maybe it would answer sumthing he hadn't asked me, maybe it was just a dream, Idk.