Lin O's

Marvel Heels

2012-01-29T15:00:00.002+08:00

Absolutely gorgeous!

♥

Childhood Dream

2012-01-28T23:13:00.002+08:00

When I was young (seriously, you can't read this line without sounding like Haki. Daym Haki, you're gonna be Googled), I told the class I wanted to be a doctor. Of course, that only showed that I didn't know what I wanted to become. But in actual fact, I did have an ambition, I wanted to become Lara Croft.

Thanks to my brothers, I've played Tomb Raider since forever and though I still can't fight the tigers in that first jungle stage or the dogs in Venice without screaming my lungs out, I loved the game like hell. But don't start chiseling a whole new me wearing super short shorts in your head just yet (trust me, you'd get nightmares), cuz that dream didn't actually last long. I realised long before it blew up big at all that I can never be Lara Croft cuz I can't wear shorts cuz that's aurat! Honestly, I'm glad that I stopped dreaming while I was ahead or it might've taken me a plastic surgeon to tell me that I can never naturally grow her legs and boobs, ever! Oh well, it was good while it lasted.

Goodnight world ♥

Boyfriend in a Jar

2012-01-27T09:19:00.000+08:00

I got up this mornin and felt like digging into that jar of hearts Ayien gave to me before she flew back to Egypt, ya know, just to see what might be in stored fer me today. Check out what I got.

Sweet! Just swell Ainon oi. Certainly a good start to my day.

♥

BBQ Last Night

2012-01-23T18:58:00.001+08:00

We headed over to my aunts' place in Puncak Alam petang semalam for another round of barbeque and it reminded me of something someone had said some time ago about the origins of the word. This guy I can't seem to put a finger on had claimed that the word barbecue is a combination of the words 'bar', 'be' and 'queue'. 'Bar' because the grills were simply lined metal bars and 'be queue' because people had to queue up to get their food. HAHA! How comical yet possible that theory is! Not that I intend on looking it up, no thank you. Got better things to do.

Click pictures to enlarge

♥

You Left Me

2012-01-22T09:51:00.000+08:00

I dreamt of you last night. It felt so real, even now I'm still shaking.

We were together, and I was the happiest person alive. We talked like best friends, we held close like lovers, and everything around us seemed to simply understand. One night, you said something and suddenly dropped to the ground. I cried for help but nothing could have saved you - you left me in the world alone again.

I walked for hours on, thinking about you and me, thinking about what's left and a million whys. I walked slow and aimlessly, not even quite registering where my feet took me. They were waiting. They knew and they flashed the most sorry of faces, but I couldn't judge. Not when you were all I thought of.

You've always come and gone in my life, but to have you taken from me for good, to watch you fall and escape this world without me, leaving me behind to dwell on you; oh God it pains me so. It hurts and I can almost still feel it.

I woke up flashing the images in front of me as if everything was real. I asked myself over and again if you really were gone, but I was confused. This one felt too real, and too depressing and simply too something that I believe it means something. I pray that God will show me in one way or other, in the mean time, I'm gonna go over it again. And again and again. I think there's something I'm missing.

Besut

2012-01-19T14:38:00.000+08:00

Feel free to click the PAUSE button if this slideshow annoys you. :)

"Besut, Terengganu"

Create a free slideshow with Picnik!

♥

Lusa

2012-01-13T00:21:00.000+08:00

Tak sabar nak get tomorrow over and done with and nak pi Terengganu the day after! Yayyy! ♥

Freaking 8.5

2012-01-12T14:08:00.000+08:00

Thanks a lot orang gila, now I takdak alasan tak maw p jogging. Damn it!

lol :P

Excuse Me

2012-01-11T22:18:00.001+08:00

would you mind telling me where you are and what's your name?

Purple Uniform | Part 11

2012-01-11T15:02:00.002+08:00

Countless days, weeks and months had passed; there isn't any use of keeping track if it wouldn't make a difference, right? Indeed it didn't. A little bird once said, that if you loved someone so much you ought to let them go. Why is that really?

Over the months, she began to see many things in ways she never considered before. Things involving people and other people, especially. She was growing up. She didn't hear from him much anymore, and though a year ago she'd think herself stupid for thinking this, but she was admitting the blessing it really was. Lynette rode on love, pulled it by the hair and made it bow to her on the knees, but that was not who she was and she could never even consider it. So, leave the word all alone in one corner and lets experience life in a new perspective; friendship.

They'd grown to become good friends by now, and surprisingly enough, for herself especially, she can feel herself relaxing in his presence. No longer did she hide her thoughts, pressed her dresses and fake a smile just to please anymore. She was becoming herself and it couldn't have felt any better.

They went out to dine one evening. He picked her up and they talked much, she finally did talk much. If she could've seen herself from outside the window, no kidding she'd think her nerves were building every minute, or at the very least, an immensely awkward feeling would blanket her whole. But it did not, in fact, she was very much comfortable. It proves, she was growing.

They talked and laughed, and something caught her;

Him: You're funny!

Her: Pfft, yea right.

Him: You know why you're so funny?

Her: Why? If you're gonna mock me then you can save it. Haha.

Him: Haha. You're different, that's why.

What's this word 'different' supposed to mean? She gave him that look that read "keep talking if you know what's good for you".

Him: You're different, than them. You know? Them clingy ones.

Her: Haha. I hope I'd die before I turn clingy.

Him: *smiles*

Her: *skeptical*

On their way home, the rain poured just nice and the cool comfort of the car was getting to her eyes. As she slowly fell asleep, she could hear the soft play of music from the radio just brushing her ears. He was singing along to something before she could remember anything else all too vividly. But you know how it feels when you could've sworn you were asleep and yet you could tell what was happening? Does that happen to everyone? Just out of curiosity.

As she slept, she could hear that so faint a voice singing somewhere in the background, reminding her of only one person, the person she loved so much and that had left her and the world standing still, still even t times now. She felt her head getting light and her eyes warm. She pressed the lids, sucked in along with the almost too overwhelming feeling and draining out tears down her cold cheeks. It felt good, and bad all the same. It felt satisfying and agitating all the same. The song played again and again, it was soothing, and she thanked him in her heart in her sleep.

That night, as she sprawled across the duvet, arms and legs stretched to release the aches and agony of the day; he told her to get out, onto the porch. Confused and suspense built, she crept outside to find a red bag waiting behind the car. She smiled and shook her head, she knew she should've expected this. If colours and shapes can spell things, that squarishness inside, and the bright red spelt nothing but happy birthday, proud and cheeky. She smiled over and again, and slept smiling all the way.

Purple Uniform | Part 10

2012-01-11T14:24:00.002+08:00

Him: Would you be my life partner for as long as God wills it?

Her: Err..are you serious?

Him: Yes, what do you say?

Her: *speechless*

Him: Hmm?

Her: Yes!

Said over the phone, parted by miles, but underneath the same night sky.

Fairy Tales aren't Always Make Belief, are They?

The jolly season was nearing and the place was overcrowded with people. Miniature Santas hung from shop ceilings and cotton snowballs covered the stair railings. Jingles were played on repeat and she could've sworn she heard Jessica Simpsons' Let It Snow at least four times already. The air was nothing but merry. They walked through the sea of people, popping in every other store to pass the time.

But you see, that was more a year ago and all that has become nothing more than a very distant memory, still hanging on the tiniest branch for the sake of what even she couldn't say. Indeed, much had happened during the months; there were joy and laughter, there were also frustration and tears. That's just the terms of living isn't it anyways? They had courted and they had parted. She had experienced and she had lived, most importantly she had grown and outgrown the feeling of needing him. It truly was a blessing, she always thought.

One day, as she rummaged her wardrobe for something perfect to wear to the little meet, it suddenly occured to her that she needn't have to be perfect at all. She had of course long realised how very faraway she is from perfection, but the beauty of the thought was that she knew now that she didn't need to build up a plastic barbie anymore. There was now no reason to appear at all attractive because she no longer wished to attract him, no not anymore. So, she kicked off the hellish heels and pulled off the little blue dress and instead, dived into a pair of jeans and sneakers and jersey - it felt nothing but right. That was enough.

During the short drive, she went over the minimal conversations they've had after the 'us' had turned back to the 'you' and 'I'. Not that there was much pondering to do, but the least she thought she would do was to try to recall something she could use to keep the dinner later from turning an awkward pause of idea. Not much luck. To cut things short, they met, they ate, they drove, they chatted, and they said goodbye. By the end of the day, she was surprised she ever liked him at all.

It's funny how life makes you look stupid before you realise you were looking stupid.

I'm Done

2012-01-10T00:41:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna make this clear; you don't freakin own me! Nobody in this world but my dad freakin owns me! I can talk to whom I want, at whatever time I want and I can also choose to sleep when I want, pick up or not pick up calls as I please and see who I wish when I wish to. Unless my DAD says no, I have the full freakin authority to freakin do what I freakin wanna do! You do NOT own me, and you do NOT have a say!

Secondly, shit happens, and things change. I told you freakin clearly that I don't feel like talking to any freakin one tonight. You tell me time and again how frustrated you are with every freakin thing. Then someone calls and spontaneously my hand reached out and answered. Suddenly I'm getting your texts sulking over the fact that I'm talking to someone else when I just told you I don't wanna talk. I don't wanna explain myself. I could but I refuse to. Not anymore! And for as long as you're gonna keep up this attitude of yours, don't bother talking to me. I'm sick and tired already, congratulations! It took me long enough to get tired, your efforts weighed a lot, but alas I've finally reached this freakin exhausting point, so you can now stop trying to piss me off. Congratulations once again!

Finally, I don't freakin wanna be with any freakin one right now, can you guys please just drop it! You're making me so sick and tired of men!! You know where I'm getting at, yes. Most men these days are all the same; with the exception of my dad, my family and my friends. Anyone not listed are all the freaking same! Anyone yang terasa dengan this post, TOO BAD! LIVE WITH IT!

Friend-zoners

2012-01-09T21:24:00.002+08:00

They're weird, they are.

♥

Permataku

2012-01-09T20:24:00.002+08:00

In the loving memories of my late mom, Mak. I miss you so much right now.

♥

22 is a New Number

2012-01-08T23:07:00.000+08:00

Instead of letting the taunts get to you, embrace the new age you've just been blessed with. Because no matter the number, 10 years later you'd no doubt wish you're back here all over again.

These past four days have been a series of utter blasts upon utter blasts.

Thursday

Twas Tap's birthday and we all went out to celebrate with dinner sandwiching both our birthdays. Food was great, family was greater.

Friday

Spent baking and licking leftover batter with my lovelies. Followed by a well concealed surprise and a certain something wrapped in red ribbon.

Saturday

Started off with wishes upon wishes that made me so touched I wanna cry, but had a Contempt Lit paper that killed the mood. Fortunately, it was manageable and quite satisfying. Afterwards we got our CW results for the test and portfolio and Alhamdulillah is all I'll say. But the day wasn't over quite yet, we had carrot cake and kek batik and rambutan with the whole class and it was awesome! Played hide and seek around the faculty, yes we did. Played this other silly Simon says sorta thing later on. I swear to God I never expected myself to bend forward, head up, one hand on someone's knee and shake my butt in TESL Sq. Got back home and was utterly pooped. Phewhh. Meant to meet the Jimbons pulak tht night, but I snoozed. T.T

Sunday

Alas, went out with someone somewhere. Got another gorgeousness with lots of pages titled My Sister's Keeper (Ain and Haki, you guys are responsible for my decision). Tried Coffee Bean for the first time, thx mister, it was heaven! Finally had roti nan for dinner with Ain, which was sumpah heavenly, but bising gila sebab bola. =.="

Thanks everyone for your thoughts and everything. You guys have made this birthday one to treasure. :')

Twenty-two is a new number, but the same old journey.

Few More Hours

2012-01-06T17:17:00.000+08:00

My last few hours of being a twenty-one year old would be spent baking cakes and bread puddings with the people I love. I'm contented.

♥

Hate This

2012-01-05T22:50:00.002+08:00

Hate it when it feels like you're always doing more work than anyone else. Hate it more when it's true. Damn.

9.30 AM

2012-01-03T10:33:00.001+08:00

This is my first time actually making use of this desk/makeup table as a real desk. And truly I am surprised at how comfortable it feels to finally be sitting up right and decent while typing this away. Indeed I shall make use of this desk more from now on.

I didn't send in that obituary Uma assigned to us. Damn. It's 3 days past due date already anyways and I don't plan on starting nemore. What a shame kan. Shame on me! Shame on me! (I just made you repeat shame on yourself twice. lol!) Thanks to someone however, I am reminded of sumink else Uma told us to do. To write. Yes, the 200-words-a-day-even-if-it's-crap thingy. So, here goes nothing.

I honestly should be studying, my first paper's this Saturday. Not very much looking forward to the paper, but hell excited about what comes afterwards. :D It's my brothers' birthday this Thursday. Please can someone tell what's a good present for boys? I'm reaaalllyy clueless. Speaking about presents, Abah got me an early birthday present on the eve of New Year! Tadaa!

It was on a crazy sale, mind you.

In general, I hate to brag. But I'm guilty of loving to brag about cheap things. Sorry. But that's just my parents. We only buy things that are either on sale or edible. Doesn't that tell a lot? Haha.

I wonder how many words I've typed out already so far. It's a shame blogger doesn't have word count. And there's no way I'm starting Words on this slow poke, sad case of a netbook. Haha. No la baby Blue, momma's just kiddin. Don't pull the strings aite. Mmuah!

Abah finally gave me a wee bit of money yesterday and well, shouldn't dream too high, RM20's alrdy cut for a new pair of contacts. Damn. Most of the time I wish I wasn't rabun. But that's just most of the time. Sometimes I prefer my gorgy glasses. People take me more serious with them on. B-D

I still wanna run to the store and print out some digi photos. Speaking of which, like 2 weeks ago I went out to seksyen 2 to print a photo of Chiwok for my CW portfolio, it was late and only that internet cafe ape tah nama dia was open, so I went over to ask. The world rained candies! They did print photos. The place was huge and looked promising. So blablabla turned out, he printed the photo on a hard, white, A4 sized paper and cut off the extra edges. And. I. Hated. It. Damnation la! Kalau you don't do that service then cakap la YOU DON'T! It costed me RM1.50 for a freakin 4R sized milk carton print while other shops would only charge 70sen and actually give me what I asked for. I'm nevah goin there again.

OK, this should be just about enough to cover 200 words, cuz my tummy's grumblin and demandin already. Maybe I should go swimming first, but Hafiz dok snoozing lagi. Haish. I should be reading Khaled Hosseini. =.=

Bye people!

PS - When I got no idea what title to put, I register the time.

2012

2012-01-01T01:59:00.003+08:00

My New Years' Resolution

To create a photo album with all beloved faces.

Too High

2011-12-31T08:10:00.001+08:00

Ever felt like the person you're with is just wayy out of your league to a point that it seems wrong? It's a sad realization to come to, but once you've hit it, it won't leave.

♥

Goodbye Semester 5

2011-12-30T12:44:00.000+08:00

It's not exactly farewell just yet considering we're not over with the final exams. But this semesters' study week is stretching a whole 3 weeks or so for our batch and with the festive season and new years eve tmrow, I'm really feeling like its over already. Besides, we're usually on break during this time around. It takes a while to get used to this new system. Anyways, instead of having my birthday too early in the semester for anyone to notice, this time it falls on a dag nabbit exam day! Har har, I don't know which would I prefer. Sigh. I guess its fine in a way, at least my friends would be here and maybe we'd go do something afterwards. Hehe. Actually I've already got something planned, would hate to spoil my own surprise just yet. We'll wait and see.

Anyways, nuff bout that, to my dear juniors that's lucky enough to read this before actually reaching semester 5, let me give you a gentle warning. RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN AND DON'T TURN BACK!!! This semester's like a dip in hell and fished out again. All thanks to a particular course called Research Methodology. I know my lecturer's a very tech savvy person and she might well enough stumble into this post sometime, but lets all pray and hope that if that ever happened, I've well enough graduated and gone far away by then. It's insane! Okay fine, maybe half the pain was entirely our fault for saving all things best and worst for last, but we weren't exactly swinging our legs all this while. This semester had so many ongoing tasks that our class didn't have a single secret event meeting! Can you believe that?? We had at least 4 last semester not including the KFC extraordinary meeting, this time round we're flushed energy out of skin!

Classes officially ended a week ago and we're (I am at least) still in front of our lappies typing away and squeezing the juices of what's left the little of our functioning brain cells. I know, I should be staring into Words and not this Post page; but naahh, I'm tired. I'm just so darn tired. I'll look back at it later. My bad for starting late when I could've pulled another all-nighter last night and continue to not have a life, but I chose not to. My bad indeed. Not that I'm regretting.

However, I don't detest EVERYTHING about this semester. We had Creative Writing, and that was definitely a point to smile at. I know guys, the workload was like nobody's business! We has non-stop assignments, sometimes up to 3 or 4 new ones every week, and that does not include the journal entries just yet. But personally, I think I'd rather be a Creative Writing zombie, bleeding rainbow coloured goo from my ears and nose than a Research Meth zombie that bleeds thick, dense black blood from all ends. It's just too depressing. Plus, I think we've also bonded closer as a group. We're going to Terengganu early next year and I honestly can't wait (even if it IS to work).

I gotta go in fer a bit later to send in some stuffs (if i ever have the time and will to complete them). The campus' so quiet now, even the Asasians are off for a week. It feels so tranquil...and sad. I know I say this almost every semester, but it's amazing how each semester surprises me more than the last one. This sem was just so freakin fast I still can't believe it. I can really still picture that very first monday when we entered Contempt. Lit and got a brainwashing from Mdm. Roslind about practicum and I remembered shaking for thinking that practicum's in 2 semesters. And now it's in ONE! I can so curse a million random symbols right now, but I'll save the time and space.

Sigh. I wonder how fast this holiday's gonna be. >.<

Smile

2011-12-26T21:41:00.000+08:00

That's the time you must keep on trying,
Smile what's the use of crying,
You'll find that life is still worth while if you just smile.

Smile though your heart is aching,
Smile even though its breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky,
You'll get by...

I need this, the now is just too tensed. Someone, tell me a smile will make things better, please? ;(

Chiwok ♥

2011-12-25T00:14:00.004+08:00

I have a kitten, her name’s Chiwok. She used to be calledThe Princess because she was the most beautiful thing; until one day her eyesstarted to swell. We ignored, thought it’d go away; but it only got worse. So,we took her to the vet. Turns out, she has a bacterial infection in her eyesand its growing in her lids and covering her view. Just a day later, she didn’treturn home. We searched and called, but she never came. We thought she wasgone for good, and started letting go. Five days later, we woke up and thereshe was outside the door, dirty, cold and crying for help. After a bath andmore medication, she never left anyone’s side. Day and night, she’d want to bewith someone. If she slept and woke up, she’d cry and walk in all directions tolook for us; cuz you see, little Chiwok is now temporarily blind. It breaks myheart to see trip a stair, bump into furniture and fall off the bed.

Please dear God I pray to you, cure my littleChiwoks’ eyes, please have mercy on her for You are The Most Merciful.

How Well the Mirror Lies

2011-12-24T21:56:00.000+08:00

I thought Plath said you swallow what you see as it is, you big fat liar! =.="

Feelin Funny

2011-12-24T21:17:00.002+08:00

♥

Exhausted

2011-12-17T08:52:00.000+08:00

I'm so freakin exhausted. Endless nights of goin to sleep at 3 am. It's killin me. Thank God it ain't too long nemore. Let's hope we survive this last week.

RAWH!

Not Here to Please

2011-12-16T22:46:00.002+08:00

I know people often say don't give a shit bout what others say, just think of what you feel. But it's not possible to live in a society when you have that fixed in mind. Robert Graves made it pretty clear that it ain't possible.

I hate it when people think I come to class to please my lecturers, I sit in front to be the teachers' pet, I ask questions to be heard. I so freakin hate it to a point that I don't give a damn - till of course I think of Graves and look down in dismay. C'mon la people. I know my capabilities. I'm not one with good attention span. I don't do well sitting in the back of the class only cuz I feel detached and thus become uninterested. Leaving me a blank. Knowing this fact, I make it a point to sit in front. I often ask questions because I'm not as smart as most people. I often get confused, I speak my mind when I am and thus the questions. I don't know why it is people love to see things negatively, it really wonders me. But then again, I'm at times a guilty criminal just the same. I wonder why it is I never did this back in school. Maybe it would've landed me with different circles. I'm glad I didn't then. I'm not loud, at least I don't think so. I don't think i talk rubbish when I open my mouth in class, at least that's a point I have to be proud of. At least that's what I think. We can't please everyone, now, can we. But of course.

The Cool Web - R. Graves

Children are dumb to say how hot the day is,

How hot the scent is of the summer rose,

How dreadful the black wastes of evening sky,

How dreadful the tall soldiers drumming by,

But we have speech, to chill the angry day,

And speech to dull the roses cruel scent,

We spell away the overhanging night,

We spell away the soldiers and the fright.

There's a cool web of language winds us in,

Retreat from too much joy or too much fear;

We grow sea-green at last and coldly die,

In brininess and volubility.

But if we let our tongues lose self-possession,

Throwing off language and its watery clasp

Before our death, instead of when death comes,

Facing the wide glare of the children's day,

Facing the rose, the dark sky and the drums,

We shall go mad, no doubt, and die that way.

Speak the Mind

2011-12-12T01:37:00.001+08:00

Have you ever actually counted how many times a day you deny your true feelings and went with what society expects of you? Conforming to the expectation of the majority, and for what do you suppose? Fit in? Be normal? What's wrong with being unique? It's been becoming a conscious effort of mine since recently to tell myself when I realise I'm committing the above. And always a second too late at that. If you look at it from various point of views even, it isn't wrong. Generally, the society's kind enough to expect harmless things from you - relating to unsinful matters. So, it really isn't wrong. But the way I see it, denying your own true feelings, opinions and thoughts is like telling your brain to shut the hell up and swallow only whatever you're "supposed" to think, and THAT in my view, is hell wrong. Surely, your brain isn't your best friend at certain times, like during Maths class for example, or in the middle of pop quizzes, indeed. But that isn't enough reasons to force a mould over it the shape of "the society" - what shape do you suppose?

You know how I said it's been becoming a conscious effort? Well, it has been. It's like when for example the rest of the class gets excited about a trip to the waterfall and you're suddenly excited too, before you realise - HECK! I don't even like waterfalls! You know, harmless things. Another example I couldn't help but resist was this. When my mom recently passed away, I had people coming to me asking if I was really ok, friends and lecturers included. And I told them I really was, with a smile on my face. And they would give me this distinct, almost disapproving look that I've gotten used to by now that sorta tries to tell me I'm not supposed to be smiling, I'm supposed to be bursting into tears and to be constantly needing someone beside me to tell me that life goes on. I'm sure all those people who flashed me that look might not have realised it themselves, but this is what the society has moulded us into thinking and doing. It's not their fault. Truth is, socialization is the biggest part of our lives. I learned this officially through literature and sociology, but unknowingly, I've started to learn this since the becoming of myself 21 years ago.

I have this one friend. I greatly admire her for always speaking her mind, in almost anything. I find it so refreshing because you really don't get that very much anymore these days. Not when you're 21 and conscious of people's thoughts about you, no. Sometimes, I guess you can't consider it lying, you know. It's too harmless for that. Like when I realise I'm talking shit saying things I don't actually mean, I didn't give it a second thought and actually consciously told myself I want to LIE so that these people would think I'm normal, no! You'd just tend to agree to what the majority says just because it's a habit. You've been socialized into subconsciously agreeing without thought. It's really scary if you think about it.

I want to remind myself as much as I can help it, not to abide by this unwritten law of living in a community anymore. I feel so wicked and unfair to my heart and mind, always denying what they feel and think. I'm not a mindless idiot without a mind of my own, I should be proud to speak my mind regardless of what people think. Then again, I never consciously did it to please others to begin with. Imma try to speak my mind more often, let's see how it goes. :)

I'm so freakin sleepy, goodnight world.

PS - had a lot of fun today, wasted a lot of precious time, but it was worth it. Tomorrow reality'll kick in again, till then, sweet dreams.

♥

Finally A Day Out

2011-12-11T20:25:00.001+08:00

Akah really wanted to go and play there, she planned with a friend the other day but it didn't work out. Then we planned again today for her sake, but things didn't really turn out the way we planned either. We went, but we decided not to play, it was too jam packed and we couldn't be bothered, not in that place we couldn't. Besides that however, I loved today. We went out the 5 of us, excluding Abang (he's such a party pooper). Hmm..that makes the whole lot of us only 6 people, how so weird. After 14 years of being a 7, now it's a 6. You wouldn't know how weird it feels till you feel it yourself. Anyways, back to today, it was tiring, Abah's flat, but it sure hell was fun. Not that we did much, but we haven't been out for such a long time that it felt almost out of place at first. But who was I talkin about, this is my family, I could never feel awkward with them. ♥

I love my dad. I love him so much. I'm most alike with him and there're things only the two of us would understand. At times like now, I feel like it's my duty to make him smile. It's my duty to make him happy. He'd never think that way of course, he's way too responsible for that. I can still remember back when I was so very little, like 4 or 5, I once told my aunt Cu Jah that I'd wanna some day marry some one like my dad (and I told her to find him for me. pfft). There have been the good times and the bad, the times I don't ever wish to remember, and times I wish I'd never forget for as long as I live. I love my dad with all my heart, he's truly my hero.

♥

Reality Sucks

2011-12-10T18:16:00.001+08:00

Wish I could just chill and relax

♥

But reality is, I can't. So get off your ass pemalas!

Silly Girls

2011-12-07T07:13:00.001+08:00

We're a bunch of silly girls,
Hanging our hearts out on the line,
Wishing someone would stop one day,
Would browse the line and pick mine.

But they didn't stop and browse,
Instead they coldly walked away,
As cold as the gushing wind,
That blew our hearts off the line that day.

The wind caught a heart or two,
Let tripped and toppled on the ground,
Till alas came by a shoe,
Stepped on the heart that was never found.

♥

Photopoetry

2011-12-01T21:50:00.001+08:00

Click for clearer image

- A break away from the reality of responsibilities.

Need a Break

2011-11-30T22:27:00.001+08:00

Excuse me, but might I just ask,

why are you making it so damned difficult??

All I wanna do is forget you, shouldn't be that tiresome. Dangit. I wished I had super powers to do my assignments and clean up my life without having to think so much. That would be so super duper awesome! Ho yeaahh!

Ha ha. Ho ho. I miss you. Bodoh.

So, I got this critical review assignment thingy due Friday at 5pm. But djou know what? I haven't even started! As if that isn't enough, I got a French listening test at 8.30am tomorrow morning and yup, I haven't studied a thing! Haha. I'm so gonna rock that stinkin test. And the presentations for my photopoetry for Creative Writing and Barrett's Taxonomy for Reading afterwards. All in one dangit day. And that's excluding starting on my Socio report due Friday. I'm toast! Oh well, at least my slides are sumink to be proud of. Oh shite, I forgot bout the CW lesson plans to be submitted tomorrow morning. La la la. Let's all forget. T.T

In case you haven't yet figured out the implied message in this post - I'm stressed out and I need a vacation. Abah, Pangkor jom? Pretty please ♥

Inside

2011-11-30T00:25:00.001+08:00

Dear Jade,

Please leave my mind. I wish to sleep peacefully.

Please and thank you ♥

Need You

2011-11-28T13:34:00.001+08:00

I don't know what I want right now, I need you to tell me. We've never really talked about this, I would've if I had known how so little time we actually had. I miss you so much right now, too much. I can't move, I don't think I want to.

I shouldn't be like this, I know that. Please forgive me. I love you. I can never tell you just how much I love you. I don't wanna talk, cuz it makes me feel sad. I apologize if it makes you feel sad, seeing me so tensed. You loved this movie, I'll never forget. I love you. I love you so much.

I'm fine on most days, I'm sure you know that. But I've never stopped thinking bout you. I wish we had talked more. I wished I had talked with you all through those nights you told me you couldn't sleep. I wish we'd spent so much more time together. I miss you with all my heart. Too much.

Do you remember that time when they were all excited over the gifts? They chose green and tan, and I told you I wanted green and pink when my turn arrives. You smiled and you said it would all be up to me. I didn't take that literally. I need you through all that, I need you through so much more. But I know all that's impossible. I don't know what I can want. It's difficult. But I'm strong, because I'm your daughter.

I love you too much (if that's possible).

Somewhere

2011-11-28T02:15:00.001+08:00

ps - I'm not missing you.

♥

Dear Jade,

2011-11-25T13:41:00.001+08:00

today's going to be about the last time I'm goin to dwell on you. No, It's goin to be about the last time I'm having hopes on you. Yes, that's more like it. I've almost come to a conclusion that you sincerely have no idea I like you and you really don't feel the same. Therefore, I see it pointless for me to continue being smitten when you have absolutely no idea of this burden. I should come to my senses pretty soon and then we can the perfect friends. Which would be more than wonderful.

You might read this or you might not, either way, you'd never know I'm talking about you. I'll tell you this though, I'll come clean with you once I'm over you. I'm not much of a risk taker, that I'm well aware of. But, though telling you then would make no difference in any course, it would give me the peace of mind to know that I wouldn't take my secret to the grave. That is enough I guess.

I honestly can't wait to get over you now. Because it sucks to be the pathetic clapping end. I've got other plans right now to occupy myself with. That should soon put me on the right track and you way in the back of my brain. I wish the brain and the heart could be programmed. It'd save so much time and effort. Humans should invent sumink.

I have to go now. Guess I'll hear from you soon, or see you soon, or not. That's good. Till then, goodbye.

♥

That Shirt

2011-11-24T13:23:00.000+08:00

Yes I did

I guess it was one of those dreams (if it was a dream at all) that leaves you lying in bed, unsure of whether you've awoken or not, seeing and feeling things but doubting they're real - ever felt that?

I dreamt of you again last night, for at least the third time this week. Pretty impressive if you ask me. You know how it is when you realise you're dreaming and kinda wake up a bit and you subconsciously tell yourself to go back to sleep? Well, I remembered that part pretty clearly. I slept on my back, straight facing the ceiling, wrapped warm and comfortably in my blanket. I realised this at those couple of seconds when I told myself to go back to sleep, wishing and praying that the dream would continue. I did fall back asleep pretty soon.

Unlike the dreams before, this time you actually liked me. You followed me and you made it a point to walk with me. It's funny how it was so coincidental that you were wearing that shirt, the same you wore today. Maybe it's a sign, I'm adopting a sixth sense, could it be? I wouldn't want it. You made me smile, what we talked about often refuse to be remembered. Cuz I never do remember, you know? But alas, it was just a dream. Nothing more than a show for the minds eye.

I wonder if I'll dream of you again tonight. I don't wish for it, cuz dreams are cruel, you see. They'll deny you of it if you wish for it, and shower you with it if you're trying to run away. It's like how you always end up missing someone when you're trying to forget them. Life plays irony.

I'm going now. Goodbye.

Too Afraid

2011-11-23T02:44:00.001+08:00

2.44am, I'm glad I'm piled with work. Keeps my mind off of the unnecessary.

The radio speaks and the birds dance, while I watch quietly so you won't hear.
The rain hugs and the rays touch, while I stand afar clutched by fear.

♥

Hafiz

2011-11-21T01:57:00.001+08:00

Ni adik saya. Nama dia Hafiz.

Goin out

♥

Damaged

2011-11-19T09:20:00.001+08:00

If waking up means I gotta think of you,
I think I'd rather stay asleep.
But the damage's done now that I'm awake after all.
Damn it.

I wish I don't know you, that you weren't so close to me.
I wish you weren't close at all.
I wish I had never noticed you, or ever laid eyes on you,
or ever even came across you at all.
It's depressing now that I know you, now that I see you.
Such a frustration.

Would've been better if you meant nothing.
Would've been sweeter if you're just a distant face.
Would've been easier to get away.
Would've spared me this regret and haste.

Now I'm damaged, I feel damaged.
Inprisoned by the thought of you.
I don't need your help, not anymore.
Not from you, not to get away from you.

I'm going back to sleep now, and I wish you'd be gone when I awake.
As long as you won't go, don't bother waking me up.

♥

MAD, Truly

2011-11-18T23:36:00.001+08:00

I've always wanted to paint my face. Paint it anything other than an old grandma, no, not for the billionth time. This time it's evil. They all said so. I don't know whether to feel good or bad. Who cares, it's over anyways. Time for a good rest. Goodnight world.

Malam Anugerah Dekan Sem 4

Well Lit. Evening

2011-11-16T23:49:00.001+08:00

Today was fated. But what is fate?

Had an awesome discussion on Kazuo Ishiguro's Never Let Me Go at NST this evening. Great debate, delicious food, horrible bus ride home. Too tired to say more.

I can't imagine doing anything instead of literature. ♥

♥

Gone Personal

2011-11-16T14:04:00.001+08:00

Biasa lah, after a while, you'd get an urge to change kan. In the midst of having so much to do and so little time, I suddenly had a super strong urge to change my blog layout and though I tried ignoring it initially, I gave in and tadaa! My blog's got a new shirt on! Yayy! Not so very new actually, I used this background before but I love it too much I just had to have it on again. My assignment mood has been on pause for much longer than is good for me, but oh well. Guess I'll start later. Pfft.

Anyways, I've gotten rid of a lot of ridiculous things in here, like the cupcake images that used to foot my blog, and the Followers widget. I don't blog about things I strictly don't want people to know, thus the public blog. However, I'd better appreciate it if people decide to follow my blog because the posts genuinely appeal to them in some way or other. Not because of the follower count or the fact that they wish for me to follow them back. I'm sorry, I'm not snobby, I just don't entertain. I've pushed my blog list down to the ground as well because I don't link other blogs in here to advertise them, enough for the sake of my ease of navigation. Finally, I'm most satisfied that I don't get annoying adverts in my juicebox nemore cuz you don't see my juicebox nemore! HAHA! I hid it under Contact cuz I know those sales ppl won't be determined enough to go through my pages to find my measly little shoutbox. Yay!

I'm glad that my blog's gone more personal now. Sigh of relief.

Puas hati sudah, now I really should get back to work. Or at least think about getting back to work. Bye peeps!

PS: Goin to NSTP again this evening. Can't wait. ♥

Evil Joy

2011-11-15T18:56:00.001+08:00

"We're evil"

♥

I Should Go

2011-11-15T09:59:00.001+08:00

Shall be walking in a bit, but the dread on late classes is the sun. Looking out the window and the hairs on the back of my neck is tensed. Not looking forward to this.

Yes, I'm going in a bit. Not a half hour till we go in. I should be going in a bit.

Don't eat the plums, Williams. You leave me nothing but the sun and the dread.

I'm going now.

Red

2011-11-13T19:37:00.001+08:00

I ♥ red lipstick.

Muah.

Terima Kasih IPA transcriptions

2011-11-13T17:39:00.001+08:00

Just for fun.

Takde kene mengena dengan yang hidup atau mati. Sekian.

Asam Pedas

2011-11-12T17:51:00.001+08:00

I can't believe it's Saturday evening already. Another day to kick at home and we'll be back in class. Damn it! Why can't time have reins we can pull on to slow it down or halt it altogether? Oh and a whip while we're at it to speed it up a bit when it's unbearably slow. Sigh. I have great time management issues. I'm envious of people who can complete 10 things in the course of time of my completing 1 thing. It's unfair! Why do I suck at it so much? What did I ever do to time to deserve this most unfortunate karma I have no idea. However, I'm glad enough that my critical review thingy is underway; you can't expect it to be done lah of course, not when I have another day to stress over it. Damn it!

I wish to be like Tap. He's got 2 weeks till submission date and he's already like a cat nak beranak dok susah hati nak siapkan kheja. Yes, I should really be like him. And start I shall right after I'm done with this review. I got a presentation this comin Friday and 2 more minor ones the next week. Imma get them over and done with ASAP. But then again, that's what I always say. I shouldn't be here typing away in my Dear Diary if I don't mean to procrastinate anything nemore. Sigh. Again.

People say that when you go to sleep and dream of someone, it means that your soul went snooping around the night before and met that of that person you dreamt of. And if the person is no longer living, it means that the soul of the deceased came to visit. Sumink like that right? I dreamt of my mom some nights ago and I keep thinking bout her every other hour these days. Sometimes I catch myself almost chanting I love you Mak, I love you so much. Personally, I feel that it's both weird and not at the same time. I do miss her so very dearly, but I've learnt, still learning to, accept it well. I feel that death is more becoming these days, but I believe that it's nothing but coincidences. I guess it must be a reminder; which, despite it all, really is a blessing in disguise for the rest of us. Alhamdulillah. Al-Fatihah to all muslimins and muslimahs that have gone back to our Creator.

A dear friend of mine told me not too long ago, that the best thing we could do for those who are no longer with us, apart from praying the best for them, is to pass on what they've taught us onto others, no matter how small a lesson it may be. That way, the pahala would continuously grow as long as God permits. It would be a most thoughtful gift for those we love.

My grandmother asked if my dad can get some fish asam pedas for lunch today; instead however, my dad told me to make it. I couldn't recall the last time I cooked anything apart from roman bread and fried eggs. I really haven't been in the kitchen lately. Fortunately however, when my dad came home with the groceries, I got to work immediately and was done with fried siakap and asam pedas ikan kembung in record time. In the midst of it all, my mind couldn't help but trail off to those times when my mom would sit in her wheel chair by the dining table and watch me cook. Between instructing and inspecting, she managed to teach me so many things, including this humble asam pedas. I can still remember the good laughs we had the first time Abah attempted to make asam pedas and forgot the asam. It feels so recent yet it seems so out of reach. How is that?

Every time I remember that final afternoon at the hospital, it'd feel as if my heart weighed a ton. That flicker in her eyes that talked to no one but me. That split second that she silently cried for me, it's still unbearable. 1 second out of 21 years that I feel is shared between only the two of us. A single second that I'd remember for the rest of my life, InsyaAllah. I can hardly describe it, I don't wish to describe it any further at all anyways. Let it remain within me. I've tried to explain that moment to Abah, and some of my siblings, but at all attempts, I end up lost for words. I could never quite tell them just what it was in that tiny second that means so much to me. They think I was just explaining a sequence of occurrences when in fact my meaning is way deeper than that. I've stopped trying to explain, and this here should be my last.

InsyaAllah, I would hold on to the memory of you and the knowledge you've taught me.

Tok loved my asam pedas ♥

More Sighing

2011-11-08T09:58:00.002+08:00

I haven't been visiting anyone's blogspot lately and I know that most of the latest posts I'm reading right now are not so very new nemore at all. But I'm not paying attention to numbers right now. Despite it being the midterm break, I'm sensing a slow and dull vibe from so many people. I'm not too happy myself cuz I'm down with a flu and my throat feels like I swallowed a sword fish's head for dinner. I got a meeting with Naim at 2pm (thank God it's at 2, I don't feel like getting up just yet) and I've been delaying taking my Ishiguro book from Arif for days alrdy, I really should call him up later. At least Real Madrid had a good day yesterday, that's gotta be my highlight of the week. I honestly see nothing else to celebrate, what a waste of cuti. I have yet to build my to-do list and it's already Tuesday. Delay THAT for a couple more days and I wouldn' have to make it at all I'm guessing. Damn that article review report thingy! Everytime I think bout it I get nervous and it brings me down like hell. Geez.

I shouldn't be wasting my time updating my blog. I should be hunting for research journals; either that or play sick and stay in bed. I'll go with the 2nd option. Bye people.

Imy

2011-11-08T09:23:00.001+08:00

Everything reminds me of you.

I dreamt of you last night.

I miss you.

♥

Will Love You Till The End, and Beyond

2011-10-14T14:52:00.002+08:00

It might be a little too soon to be talking just yet, but I wanna do it now before it gets old and slips my mind. Though I doubt that's possible.

It's always true what they say, you can't miss someone as long as they're in front of you; but the minute they're gone you wish you'd have another million years to see them. I miss her already. I missed her since when they pushed her out of the room and Tap and I were left to pack things up. I miss her so much I feel I can cry and drain every drop of water inside me. I miss her like I've never missed anything before. But, I know I must let go.

There's not a person in this world who's got a smile quite like hers. Nor is able to smile and nod and make me feel like the worlds' happiness is mine. No one I'd feel so grateful for just calling me to sit and watch Ina Garten bake a carrot cake with her. No one that would know just what to do in every single situation. God, I was so scared last night. I didn't know what to do. I felt empty and all alone. She can't tell me what to do nemore. I can't ask her what's right nemore. I was so scared last night seeing all the faces I didn't recognize, how was I to cope with all this? I didn't know where to turn. This world is another world without her. I felt lost.

I cried a lot and still am and will again. I know that. But it doesn't mean I'm not letting her go. I know I have to be strong, but keeping my feelings cooped up inside is not the first step of being strong. I gotta face my feelings and let it drain naturally. I won't stop crying, I'm sure. InsyaAllah, another 21 years from now and I'd still break a tear for her. But that doesn't mean I didn't let go. I pray that I never stop crying for her. But I also pray that I never stop praying for her too. I think that's most important.

I thank God for all the rezeki He's blessed me with so far, and that He will for the rest of my life. There really is no better way of seeing the world than through the blessings we count. Alhamdulillah...for everything that, though I don't list, would remain in my thoughts for as long as He would permit. I pray that He would allow me to remember everything about her that I still do as of now. I pray I never forget.

Most importantly, I pray that He places her amongst those He love, those who are safe. It could not have happened on a better day, the leader of all days. I pray that she forgave me for all my sins toward her. I pray that we'd meet again, though even if He permits, it'd be almost forever till that'd happen. But still, I would pray.

Mak, you left us well. We could never thank you enough for every speck of love you showered us with. I pray that there will not be a day that passes by that I don't think of you. You're everything we are.

Semoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat olehNya. I love you, Mak.

Inconsiderate Bastard

2011-10-06T14:59:00.002+08:00

During my routine walk home from class yesterday evening, I saw a young boy about 13 or so in the playground. He was by the swing set and I smiled to myself thinking he wanted to play the swing. I was reminded of my childhood and all the fun I had. Like they say, you gotta lose em to miss em. Sigh. Anyways, it turned out, that little punk was vandalizing the swing set! He'd swung the swings round and round over the bar above till they're all wrapping the bar, stuck up there. The little piece of shit! And I was observing all of this while my feet still paced on. After he ruined all 4 swings, he walked like a little punk, with attitude and all, out of the playground and on to the pathway I was walking on, just a couple of foot steps ahead of me. He caught my eye for a split second and quickly turned away. I was furious and it showed. It was obvious that the little shit was bothered by me cuz he kept stealing glances back to check if I was still staring and indeed I was every time. I wasn't gonna let him off that easy. It was too dangerous to make a scene considering I was alone, but I wasn't afraid enough (nor irresponsible enough) to ignore. So I stared and scared him all the way till a junction I was to turn into. I thought of saying something but then I figured it wouldn't be worth the effort; plus, the puncturing stare should do fine. Finally, I arrived home.

Today's walk home made me regret not beating the hell outta that shit yesterday. I was passing the playground and I saw an old man with a baby in his arms and a little girl of about 4 just by his side. The child was pointing towards the swings she couldn't reach and asking for help. The old man with a most kind smile on his face tried initially to bring down the swing with his free hand; but it was clearly going no where. He then had to ask the little girl to hold the baby and he attempted, again, at the swing. Fortunately he succeeded and that single swing was saved.

At that point, my pace had stopped completely and I realized I was standing there staring at the quiet little scene. The old man caught my eye and flashed me a smile that I returned with a most humble and apologetic way. I couldn't help but feel guilty in a way not only because I didn't force the little shit to bring those swings down yesterday, but also for being part of this younger generation that knows no respect, no appreciation, and no shame. It was heart breaking to see it all, and knowing that I could've done something but I didn't. It's really heart breaking.

I wished the little boy could've been there so I can stuff it in his face and wrap him on that bar. Sigh. What's to happen to our children? Parents, please don't make children if you can't teach them to grow well. Sekian.

.

2011-10-01T12:14:00.005+08:00

I love you, Mak.

♥

The Hikmah of Waiting

2011-09-28T13:59:00.004+08:00

I just got back from sending Hafiz to school and from the beloved SACC Mall. Guess why I was there? Like I need to ask kaan. I pegi serang popiah la what else. But today I didn't have time for breakfast in the morning so I thought, one donut couldn't hurt. Kaaan. So I stepped into Big Apple and the smell was just overwhelmingly heavenly! There was NO turning back. I surveyed the trays but I couldn't see any Cheese donut and I was already thinking of turning back anyways. I asked the assistant over the counter if they had anymore Cheese and she said it'd take a minute. Don't get me wrong, I wanted to go, but my feet wouldn't let me. Oh well~

Just so you know, I hate waiting. Like seriously. But I thought, oh never mind. My foot was aching and a second to stop and rest wouldn't kill anyone. Finally I got my donut and just as I settled in the car, I seluk la tangan masuk that paper bag and only did it strike to me that the donut was WARM! I've never had it warm, this warm and it felt almost seductive! Tambah2 pulak seeing the shaved cheese tossed over the almost melting white glaze - I'm sorry, it definitely was seductive. Then I took that first bite and it just blew me away. Goodness meeeee, that soft dough with a thin layer on the outside that's still just a little bit crusty and cracks just enough when you bite. My goodness... and don't let me start on the cheese and glaze.

To cut it short, it was absolutely super. Just super.

It's not worth going on a diet if that's what you gotta miss.

I Blog

2011-09-24T23:25:00.000+08:00

I've just finished my fourth journal for Creative Writing just now and it's taken me on an emotional ride for a bit at the moment. It talked about how writing may relieve one's depression and make problems seem more manageable (and those were the exact words); so, I spoke of my own experiences and that took me back.

I've been blogging since forever. Started off with the blog feature on MySpace and realized that I couldn't stop writing. I finally moved to this baby you're in when my Computer lecturer, Mr. Izaham Shah instructed us all to create a Blogger account and a blog on Blogspot. If you've ever browsed through my earliest postings on this site you'd see how some of them seem so unlike me - either they sound too scholarly for my writing or they don't contain any curses at all. Those would be assignment posts, mind you.

I've often thought of moving, maybe on to WordPress or Tumblr. I do already have a Tumblr, but it's better off deactivated and deleted cuz it really isn't for me. I'm the kind of person who's more often than not too lazy to browse and read through others' posts but more than welcomes others to read mine. Call me whatevs, I'm just lazy and ignorant like that. WordPress has many a time lured me with their up-to-date features and cool widgets that I'm real angry isn't available in Blogger; but there's just too many memories stashed away in this blog that I can't bring myself to start a new. It would be like denying my past and starting anew as someone else, as not me.

I know I'm sounding really quite sappy at the moment, feel free to hit the X. In case you can't find it, it's on the top, right corner of the browser. #kthxbye

I bet Sir Izaham would be thrilled if he knew he's made me blogged here at least for 4 years already.

Happiness

2011-09-24T17:27:00.002+08:00

You make me smile

Super Busy

2011-09-23T00:50:00.000+08:00

It's 12.38am precisely at the moment and I should've been asleep at least half an hour ago. Sigh. My bod's aching and my head's heavy, thank God the flu's over though - that's sumink to celebrate at least. Technically, today's already the 24th of Syawal and congratulations Lindonut, you've managed once again to push your puasa enam all the way to the very end of the month! I should get an award for this. Sigh. Gotta fast tomorrow, insyaAllah.

Classes have started and though I'm more than happy to see my friends and most of my lecturers, it's been hectic as hell (not that I'm 100% sure hell's hectic at all)! I'm real sorry (mostly to myself) for not updating much despite the "much" that has happened these past 2 weeks. Omigosh I think I'm gonna love this semester! Creative Writing is SUPER!! I can't tell you much right now, but promise I'll tell you soon enough. Right now, I should get the sleep I've been deprived of. Goodnight all you beautiful people. ♥

The Truth You Just Can't See

2011-09-16T03:15:00.000+08:00

I am slightly torned between whether you can't see it or you just refuse to.

Like I said, if I am honest anywhere at all, I am dead honest in this public diary right here. Yesterday, you've made it really quite clear just how much you think you know me. I, on the other hand, found out just how much you didn't. I'm really not very sure how to spell it out in words nemore considering I've repeated myself a billion times already yet you still don't get it; but I gotta make this post work, cuz if I don't, it would be the only way to get it into your head that I am no longer dwelling over you that I never tried. And trust me, it would be such a shame.

To tell you the truth, I never really felt that I knew you any more than you knew me. Not because we were only officially together for a month, but even raking in the years we've been friends wouldn't add up much to how much we really know each other. I didn't just realise this recently, but it's been building up and supporting my thoughts bit by bit since long before and now I'm more than convinced. You say you know me well enough to tell if I'm happy or sad, if I'm honest or faking it; yet, you keep beating my words down into the ground as if they're nuthing more than mere lies I throw to convince myself when in fact it is you that's having trouble seeing the truth, not I.

Lol, I can imagine you busting your brains already trying to unwind my twisted words reading this but oh whatevs. If all my beating around the bush above hasn't done any good, lemme be downright blunt right here. Please get it into that thick head of yours this time that I'm being as honest as I ever can be and your self-proclaimed intelligent theories aren't of any use here. I am not in love with you. That's the very first fact I truly must point out. Second, I am no longer angry with you, neither because you cheated nor because you've been hoarding my belongings; instead, I am annoyed, very much annoyed to be exact. If you must know, and I think you really must know, I am not annoyed of the act but rather just the fact. A book and some French glass bowls missing from the house inventory does not bother me, but the fact that you've been keeping them when you could've returned them ages ago is what annoys me. And what you told me, that you kept them to ensure I keep seeing you now and again, just because you want us to remain close friends, does not flatter me. You tell me that you want us to be friends, good friends; then, why don't we start with a little trust and honesty? Let's not talk of the billions of lies you've been laying out in front of me as if I was a blind or a deaf; in fact, they're so obvious even the challenged could sense it crystal clear. If I can ask you but just one thing, can you please stop with the lies? Please. It's really very tiring trying to act as if I'm buying everything you say. I don't know bout you but if I were you, I'd be wearing a bag over my head for the next 15 years.

Look, to be dead honest with you, I didn't wanna have to make this public at all, I'm no cheap publicity seeker. And I don't mean to give you a bad name either. But I've tried talking to you tons of times and you know that well enough; but the tons of times just never worked. I'm already getting sick and tired of you hogging the conversation all the time and beating down my words as if I talk nothing but lies and nonsense. Excuse me, but I'm not exactly 5 years old if you haven't noticed. Though I've lived longer than you have, I don't believe I'm fit to claim I know more than you do. However, I do believe that we know different things cuz we live very different lives. So don't try to act all mister smarty pants on me and tell me that I'm lying to myself bout my own feelings when I tell you I'm not angry and I couldn't care any less about you. That's the fact and I pray you'd just live with it for goodness sake!

This post took 4 days to complete but it was worth it. I pray that you read this and read it good cuz I'm not gonna explain myself again. Btw, thanks for everything. You taught me that no one is as perfect as they seem.

PS - I'll want my stuffs back if you'd please.

Masalah

2011-09-08T00:15:00.001+08:00

I can't believe the junk I just posted (and luckily just deleted)! Am I THAT bored?? Sheesh! Hopefully no one sempat baca, if you did however, I apologize for the waste of you time. I'm hitting the sack, goodnight world.

I pray that towards the end of this week I'd finally have something worth blogging about. Till then.

Ugly

2011-09-07T23:55:00.000+08:00

I gotta look through all your ugly pictures just to stop falling in love with you.

Donuts

2011-09-06T15:29:00.003+08:00

Want one?

Photos courtesy of Mr. Shahrilnadzreen

Random Raya Updates

2011-09-06T15:14:00.000+08:00

Banyak sangat random updates menjelang raya Aidilfitri ni sampai takdak idea nak bagi title kat post ni.

Now, where do I even begin? Jangan la harap myself to write such random-nosity ikut cronological order - memang haram la. Let's just go with what comes to mind first. So, of course la benda sakit hati yang comes first, right! But of course.

So anyways, I know la that Hari Raya is all about forgiving and forgetting past wrong-doings and bringing families closer together, right? Well now, I can't exactly forgive if the other doesn't apologize now can I? Actually I can, but who cares. Pfft. Remember the monstrous aunt I've mentioned tons of times in this blog before? Well if you don't, just so you know, I hate her. She came over just yesterday with my grandma (that I unfortunately am not too crazy about either) and the first thing she just HAD to do was go over to the new laptop that she would never be cool enough to buy and say "Ala kalau takat beli laptop baru untuk main Sims ja tak payah laa". And to tell you the truth, her statement made me go "MOTIF??" rather than sakit hati. Cuz that's the deal with her, she's got a terribly mean mouth that I think she almost can't live without trying to hurt others for no logical reason at all. My dad and I would always gossip about her and laugh to our hearts content at all the childish effort she goes through for the sake of making others sakit hati. Might I tell you, sometimes she can be down right stupid. Hold on, before I go on, if you're reading all this and thinking that I must be the most disrespectful rat on the planet, please feel free to exit my blog because my writing might just get even worse after this. So anyways, where was I? Right. I didn't (and still don't) quite understand why did she have to say that, you know. I mean think about it, she comes in and say "takat beli tu nak main tu x payah la"; what exactly could she have meant? I seriously don't get her. I simply conclude her as being childish and ridiculous. Like when she later sat at the dining table and inspected all our balang kuih and finally landing on the big tupperware of Almond Londons that my other aunt (this one I love) gave and coming up with "apa punya Almond London isi chocolate sampai nak penuh cawan nih". You know la kan kuih tu macam mana, and sometimes, bila orang yang buat tu kedekut, dia akan bubuh coklat tu sikit ja bagi nampak ja and bila you bukak wrapper dia nak makan tgk2 belah bawah kuih tu isn't chocolate coated langsung kan, you know kan? Well, these kuihs were the absolute opposite. They were well coated and memang x kedekut chocolate langsung! Is that not better? So, why the hell did she have to jugak come up with a menyakitkan hati statement at all is really just beyond me. She's super weird.

But then just last night, Matin told me this:

Tak baik kita benci orang, be nice and orang pon akan be nice dengan you. Tapi kalau tak jugak, takpe. Ada ganjarannye nanti, InsyaAllah.

Adeh, I have really gotta learn to kill this hatred. Sigh.

Enough about annoying aunts and grandmas. This year's the second time we spend Hari Raya in Shah Alam yang sunyi sepi. But at least this time round we spent pagi raya at home with our neighbours and friends rather than at the hospital like last year, syukur Alhamdulillah. :)

But of course, nothing can beat Hari Raya dekat kampung with the whole family. Sigh. I miss them. I haven't been back in Penang for 2 freakin years, I can't believe it! God, I miss eating pasemboq dekat tepi pantai and char kuey teow pukul 1 pagi dengan Abah and mi udang dekat tanjung over looking the beach. Gotta be honest with you dear diary, apart from my family, I miss the food back there the most. Penang has seriously got the best food in Malaysia. Ugh, better talk bout sumink else, me tummy's grumblin already.

You know how people say there's always a hikmah behind everything that happens? Well, I found the hikmah of spending raya in Shah Alam - I dah pandai buat rendang sorang2! Awesome gila dol, even I can't deny. Kalau kat kampung ni sah2 la my aunts and uncles would be doing almost everything and us 'young ones' would be left with the dishes ja *pooweeh!*. This time round I had to make rendang all on my own, with the help of Mak's recipe of course. And it was a hit! Alhamdulillah... Better write down the recipe somewhere before I forget, maklumlah, buat rendang setahun sekali ja kan. Pak Din depan rumah cakap he knows good rendang when he smells one. Lol sangat.

We're now less than a week away from starting classes and I tersangaaaaaat lah can't wait! Awal sem selalu macam ni kan, when work starts piling nanti baru nak menangeh.

I could've sworn I had tons more to tell here but I can remember nuthin at the moment. I'll just settle with this for now. Depa pi beraya rumah Hussy right now and I can't goooooo. Huwaaaaaaaaaaa! *Menangis sorang2*

Goodbye dear diary ♥

To Cut or Not to Cut

2011-08-25T13:31:00.000+08:00

Never thought I'd say this but I'm missing my short hair. Sigh. I'd never forgive myself if I went and cut all this off now, I've been growing it for a year already. Come to think of it, cepat jugak rambut aku grow.

Must. Kill. Urge. To. Cut!

Speedy Operator

2011-08-25T11:36:00.000+08:00

The nearer we are to the end of Ramadhan, the harder it becomes to think of a menu for bukak puasa. So I was sitting at the table yesterday morning with Abah just before he went out to work and he asked me what were we gonna have that night. I shrugged and said "NO IDEA". He then wrinkled his face and said "malaih nak masak. Order pizza ja la" and my whole day was lighted! Yayyyy! No clanking pots and pans today! Truly, I was delighted.

Considering Akah isn't home, I had to do the ordering myself. Not that it was much of a deal, cumanya I would usually forget. And indeed I did. I didn't wanna call too early in the day cuz I didn't wanna tell them I'd pick up at 6.45pm but they've alrdy prepared it at 3pm. You see, cuz it's the fasting month, it would be almost impossible to go and order and pick up once - they'd be jam-packed by 6.30pm and there's no point of you going any earlier cuz you don't want a cold pizza (macam la xley masuk oven balik). So, I thought of waiting till 4.30 or 5 before calling them.

What did I do all day? Played Baking Life on Fb, masuk keluar Twitter and do nuthin, browse the web fer again, nuthin. Laundry x siap pon. Sigh.

Till finallyyy, time to fetch Hafiz, and tu pon I was late. Only then did I realise I haven't yet phoned Domino's. Shite.

Heyy, bongok! I've been blabbering gila, the whole point of this post is to cakap bout the operator tuh. Haha. Sabaq la hampa baca naa.

ANYWAAAYYS, I shamelessly took out my phone and dialed for Domino's with my left hand steering the wheel. After a couple of beeps, suddenly I'm attacked with a jumble of gibberish words! Though quite embarrassing, the first thing I had to say to the operator was "err..what?". On his second attempt, I could''ve sworn I picked up the words "Hello...Domino's...help...you". Alright, pause right there! Whatdaheck mann?? I know, being a phone operator, he's gotta be sick and tired of repeating the exact same thing a thousand times a day; but heyy, tough luck dude! That's your job! So, can you please make it worth something? There's no point of him saying anything if the customer couldn't make out a word. I wasn't angry, don't get me wrong. I was just startled, you know. I know, I do have a bit of a temper; but I wasn't angry, really.

Then, guessing it most probably was just a greeting, I told him la that I wanted to order pick-up and would like to have it done in the section 23 outlet blablabla. Finally, after forcing my way through with the order, he kindly wished to repeat my order. Another strike of lightning! dhalfjbigfubdkvjdmbnfwfkjwbfmd bfkjdsgkjbdf,smbvkjsdbvkjsd bv,mfgf. *Whaaaaaa..?*

I could've sworn he told me his name was Raju, or Raji. Either that or he was asking if I wanted extra cheese. =_="

Guys, if you're a phone operator, especially if you're working under customer service, please watch your speed my dearies. I'm sure your efforts would be much more appreciated if you didn't go at 500km/h. Thanks ♥

Desperate School Girl

2011-08-24T14:20:00.002+08:00

I went to send Hafiz and fetch Kemal from school just now. I had planned to drop by section 18 on the way back to get an eyeliner pencil sharpener (or is it a pencil eyeliner sharpener?) at Watsons. Then I remembered that Guardian in section 7 that's ever so close to the school and decided to go there instead. Such a life savior, I HATE finding a parking in section 18 at this time of day - insane! So anyways, I got inside that Guardian store and was instantly welcomed by a burst of annoying laughter. I was like WTH?

Turns out, some school kids were roaming around aimlessly in there and joking about and stuffs. Good gawd, they were annoying. Then I noticed this one girl, whom btw had the loudest voice. It was so very apparent that she had nothing better to do cuz she was tailing this boy all around the store, talking to God knows who, singing along to the radio that was playing and she even imitated the commercials! ANNOYING GILA! OK so I did eavesdrop a little, not that I had to, she practically forced me to with that voice of hers.

Girl: You, belanja la I.

Boy: You nak ape?

Girl: Ehehe. Taknak pape ponnn.

Boy: Kata suruh I belanja.

Girl: Alaa..I takde duit la you (tibe2 dol)

Honestly, I thank God I was never that kinda school kid and I only pray my kids never turn out that desperate. Laki tu tak layan kau pon, udah2 ler.. Aihhh.

The shop assistant came round to ask if she could be of any help and I felt like asking her to PLEEEEAAASSEE help get that freakin parrot outta the shop! But of course, being the polite hypocrite I am, I smiled to her and the freakin parrot as if I didn't hear a thing. OK, slow down....I'm losing myself here. Tengah posa la woman, calm down...

Sigh. This fasting month has been really REALLY challenging lately. I've been having to swallow my curses so many times already cuz I keep getting pissed off at the slightest things. I think I'm just lacking good quality sleep la. Either that or I just miss popiah so much. T.T

Nasib baik la raya minggu depan, I'm gonna raya popiah! HAHA! Toodles peeps~

Testing 1 2 3

2011-08-21T17:33:00.000+08:00

Hey guys, we've got less than 10 days tll raya, can you believe that?? Good gawd, this time round Ramadhan feels SUPER fast dontchu think?

Neways, I don't plan on talking bout that. I haven't been attending to my blog lately and I really do miss it; but truth is, I malaih gila dah now nak update and I'm blank of ideas on what to write. I got tons scattered of course, a bit bout this and that, but couldn't bring myself to sit and type anything. Plus, I've hardly had any spare time on my hands at all recently.

You know, I never knew that it's generally understood that you're supposed to honk like mad if your parked car was blocked. Just the other day, I rushed to Giant to get some stuffs to cook and it was already 5.30pm when I got back to my car only to find that someone blocked it. I waited bout 8 minutes then hesitated either to start honking or not. Like I said, I never knew that's what I'm supposed to do. So anyways, 8 minutes dragged on to 15 and kept dragging and my temper was quickly starting to boil. Finally, a stumpy lady walked toward the blocking car without a glance of acknowledgement toward the standing like a tongkol kayu ME. So, I called her and asked if it was her car and to make things short, she blamed me for not honking and only said sorry after I demanded it. I guess I should be sorry for not honking but though it's an accepted culture to honk like mad, I don't think I quite agree with it but to hell with that la right now. What I was pissed off at was the fact that she turned the parang around and blamed me for not honking with the most annoying, cynical little grin. Thank God la bulan Ramadhan, if not maw jugak I block her just to give a lecture in the most annoying and exaggerated southern american accent. Hamek kau, nak speaking2 dengan aku konon!

Oh it feels so good to let it out. :))

Now that I'm done with that, I'll tell you why exactly I'm writing this post apart from because I miss my blog. Abah bought Akah a new lappy but I just came home from sending her to back to college. The laptop must've arrived while we were out. So, I'm currently experimenting it while she's miles away having a discussion on cohesiveness of molecules under water. HAHA! Woohooo! I've yet to get used to such a wide keyboard after always dancing on that puny netbook of mine. Sigh. Oh, and it feels weird to finally see the whole webpage at once. Lol.

Gotta go now, nk p perabeh her trial games. Toodles~

Nasihat 1

2011-08-10T14:03:00.000+08:00

TOLOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!

SAKIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT! huwaaaa TT__________TT

Mak cakap, kalau sakit, jangan mengadu. InsyaAllah, kalau bersabar, Allah tolak dosa2 kecil kita.

Baik Mak. I duduk diam2. :))

Love Me because I'm Beautiful

2011-08-10T00:47:00.000+08:00

Takdak kheja tengah malam.

Goodnight world ♥

Serve Homemade Chocs for Raya!

2011-08-09T15:11:00.002+08:00

Here's a quick post to credit someone who deserves crediting.

Last week I ordered 50 pcs of homemade chocolates from si manis Nisa of Manis Choco (yes, that's a link, feel free to tekan2) kononnya la nak simpan specially for raya. Unfortunately enough, baru seminggu berlalu and from 50 pcs now tinggal hanya lah 5 pcs; tu pon aku rasa tahan sampai bukak posa malam ni ja la tu. So, to any of you yang nak try serving homemade chocolates instead of kuih raya pulak tahun ni, sila lah pay Nisa a visit and browse her blog for more info. I'm not sure till when is she taking orders but I think it's mid this month (sorry Nisa, you ade gitaw dalam email ritu but I lupa =.=").

I've ordered from her a couple of times already, for myself and as presents for others and so far, everyone's loved her goodies (me being on top of the list of course). I know she offers brownies and other goodies as well btu I have yet to try em out.

Masa awai pick up the chocs tu mmg I niat nak make this post dengan pictures semua, but dah tinggal 5 pcs segan plak aih. keh2. Go check her out!

To Nisa: tq tq tq tqqqqqq for the extra lollipop choc u kasik tu! I xtaw mmg u kasik i extra atau u salah masukkan, tapi i dah makan, laju pulak. -_-"

http://manis-choco.blogspot.com/

Sonnet 18

2011-08-08T02:03:00.000+08:00

Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?

Thou art more lovely and more temperate:

Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,

And summer's lease hath all too short a date:

Sometime too hot the eye of heaven shines,

And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;

And every fair from fair sometime declines,

By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;

But thy eternal summer shall not fade

Nor lose possession of that fair thou owest;

Nor shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,

When in eternal lines to time thou growest:

So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,

So long lives this and this gives life to thee.

- William Shakespeare

This brings back too many sweet memories. During my second semester of Asasi TESL, we had to make a radio drama for a Literature assessment and we did a piece called The Prince and The Cherry Lady; we here being Shall, Bibi, Jaja, Boi and myself. Anyways, it was a beautiful piece with a lot of ugliness and we were proud of it. I remembered getting good grades for it and Miss Azy reminded me so many times to please return the CD to her once we've made a copy for ourselves; but I never did - only cuz I kept forgetting and finally the CD stopped working and I felt bad if I gave her a useless disc so I didn't. Anyways, I still have the useless disc with me; however, fortunately enough, I've got a workin soft copy in my lappy. Alhamdulillah. So like anyways, lets jump the unnecessary, we included this sonnet in the drama, read by Bibi. I can still recall how she read it. :))

I miss those script readings, the late night recordings, the millions of times we altered the script, the painstaking editing processes; good lord I miss them all. And I miss how we all were back then. I miss that the very most. ♥

Setia Ku Korbankan

2011-08-07T07:22:00.000+08:00

Good mornin world! Geez, its awfully early...for me.

Haven't been posting much recently. Not to say I'm all too busy, just have no idea wht to blabber on. Happens all the time kan. Neways, again, I ain't got nuthin to talk about this mornin either. So instead, Imma redo this old survey/game thingy below. Feel free to curik if you're as bored as I am too. x)

1. Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.

2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.

4. Tag 15 friends. (Random)

5. Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?

Knock You Down - Keri Hilson Ft. Kanye West (haha. ade bran?)

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?

I'm Yours - Jason Mraz (whore gila. LOL)

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

Born to Make You Happy - Britney (bagusnye! xD)

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

Oh It Is Love - Hellogoodbye (comel)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?

Kiss Me Thru the Phone - Soulja Boy (BAHAHA! whore lagiiii)

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?

Hit Me Baby One More Time - Britney (BAHAHA! dream on)

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU

That Girl - Frankie J (ooh! fanas)

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

For Your Entertainment - Adam Lambert (O.O)

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

Kekasih Halal - Wali Band (Geez, desperate gila playlist neh)

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?

Killing Me Softly With His Song - Roberta Flack (lol)

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

Impossible - Shontelle :p

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

Bidadari - Faviq & Ridwan (trimakasih ;D)

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

Teratai Layu di Tasik Madu - Gee (HAMEK KAU!)

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

The Show - Lenka

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

More Than Words - Frankie J :')

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

Boom Boom Pow - BEP (astagaaa)

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST??

See You Again - Miley Cyrus ;))

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?

Tinggal Kenangan - Geby (desparado)

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

If I were a Boy - Beyonce

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?

White Houses - Vanessa Carlton xD

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

You Belong to Me - Michael Buble (HAHAH! YESSS)

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?

Setia Ku Korbankan - Gee (Ya ampun.)

Now nak sambung titon. good night ppl! :))

Ramadhan in Winter

2011-08-03T23:01:00.000+08:00

Kalau ikut kepenatan badan ni, I would so love to turn off the lights and just pass out right now. Unfortunately however, my lappy's PC-doctor a.k.a. security software decided to start some check up, scan thingamajig or other right now sedangkan I've had my lappy turned on since NOON! You are SO doin this on purpose, nasib baik la I sayang you my dear lappy; if not, tau la nasib you apa. Tsk.

It's been like 8 mins and the scan's still under halfway through so I'm guessin I've got at least a painful 20 mins left before I can hit the sack. Sigh. You know, if your mom's a housewife, go and belanja her a spa treatment or a week holiday away from home after Raya! It's SO F****G TIRING!! Err..did I miss one asterisk there? My eyes are a wee bit blurry from the fatigue of the 14 hours of today - that's 7am to 10pm. Is that 14 hours? Doing arithmetic's the last thing I'd want to be doing right now.

So, to pass the time, I wanna tell you guys a bit bout my Ramadhan back when I was a cute, skinny little kid of 6, fasting in Switzerland. After I finished my 2 + 1 tadi, all of a sudden these images flashed into my mind and it was as if I was really still there waiting on the couch outside the dining hall with Abang and Ilyas semua. Ok fine, so that's exaggerated; I did not time travel nor was I in a trance of any sort. It's just that those memories seemed so vivid you know, and I really do miss them. :')

I wasn't abroad for very long, but I could've sworn it was by far the best thing that had ever happened to us. Not trying to be ungrateful or anything, don't get me wrong, I love my country. But Switzerland IS the safest place on Earth kan, what more can I want? It's not like I was in Cuba or nething. xP

So anyways, I thank God that during the time which we were there, Ramadhan fell on us in winter and you know what that means, puasa SANGAT sekejap! Alhamdulillah... While the hours of day is like totally equivalent to night here in Malaysia, during winter it can be as short as 4 or 5 hours. So, instead of fasting a whole 14 hours, we only had to fast for 4 to 5 hours. Tak rasa macam puasa pon sometimes. I maybe young, but I thank my parents for teaching me to fast at such an early age. Which reminds me, ni nak sidetrack from the story sat. I came across a certain someone on Facebook just now yang dok mengadu lapar at 2 in the afternoon! Kalau she was a little girl just learning to fast faham la jugak, or mualaf ka lain la kan; masalahnya, she's 21 freakin years old and no, not a mualaf. I know I've got my drawbacks jugak, I would never reveal who this person is (even though kalau ikut hati yg jahat mmg best gossip benda mcm ni); but hey c'mon la...kalau you lapar skalipon, tak segan ka dah tua bangka mcm tu pon dok mngaku kat orang kata hang lapaq. Tau kan tak elok mengadu lapaq time posa? I bukan apa la, sometimes I simply don't get ppl like this la. Susah benar I nak paham motif dia.

OK, enough sidetrackin. Oh HEY, the scanning thingamajig's gone! When did that happen? O.O

Back to that 6 year old yours truly. During school time, we'd usually have 2 meals a day - break time around brunch time, and lunch just after noon. Because brunch takes place in that very Junior's school chalet, in the kitchen downstairs, I would usually just stay back in class either sleepin, readin, or playin with sumink or other. I absolutely LOVED Year 1 & 2 cuz those were Mrs. Shaw's class and her class is directly next to the children's mini library/playroom/Pre-school class with an adjoining door; so, you can imagine the thrill of having everything to yourself while all the other kids go down to eat. It was SUPER. Then there was lunch. Now, unlike brunch, I couldn't be left alone in the classroom during lunch because lunch was always held in the dining hall in the Senior's school which was about a 2 or 3 minute walk away from the Junior's chalet. However, of course, having to line 50+ children in twos and having them march to the neighbouring building took a LOT more than 2 or 3 minutes. So, when we finally get to the Senior's school, my well-informed teachers would allow us Muslims to sit at this waiting/reading corner where there's tons of comfortable seating and boring stuffs to read. I'd usually bring a book or sumink from the Junior's school. That was of course until Ika came into that school and I had a friend to waste my time chatting to, I no longer brought any books along. After lunch was over, we'd get back in our twos and march back to the cozy cozy Junior's chalet and class continued.

I'd so love to tell you bout the times Mrs. Shaw said "that's it for now, grab your coats and we'll go out and build a snowman"; but I'm well too tired to do squeak anythin nemore. Plus, my left arm is super sore, I wonder why. =.=

Goodnight all you beautiful readers, with love, Me.

Ramadhan Again ♥

2011-07-31T22:12:00.000+08:00

Selamat berpuasa everyone!

Semangat nak cari a ramadhan poster nak letak konon - malaih r. Have a meaningful month ppl! ♥

He was Mine

2011-07-29T00:02:00.000+08:00

It's been so long, and others have come and gone;
But over and over again I'm reminded of none but you.

I'm not answering my phone for now, sorry to those I've purposely missed their calls. I don't feel like answering, that's all. I'm gonna go to sleep now. Not very up for bloggin either; but I'll come round soon enough. Goodnight.

"No matter where you go, I won't be very far

Cuz in my head I'll be right there where you are"

S E J U K

2011-07-28T02:49:00.002+08:00

I could die freezing la macam ni.

Exaggerate sangat padahai cuci filter aircond ja pon.

I miss the old Spice Girls; used to love em to death.

Goodnight world ♥

STOP ANNOYING ME!

2011-07-26T15:37:00.000+08:00

I don't mean to quarrel with anyone and I don't mean to sound belagak sombong. I simply nak mintak that you people stop annoying me.

I admit I ain't workin this semester break; but that doesn't mean hari-hari I dok rumah goyang kaki ja pagi petang siang malam! For some of you yang tak pernah attempt to be anything close to a house keeper, jangan la nak banyak cakap. You don't have a clue! It's goddamn tiring and as if it isn't enough having to run around the house everyday picking up after OTHER people, I also kena jaga my mom. I won't say I'm not complaining cuz I know I am but let me! Let me be! If you've never walked a day in my shoes you're no one to advise me to quit complaining.
Fine, hope you got that part chiseled well in your head; now this - boleh dak jangan nak complain bila aku tak angkat phone?? And this goes out to eeeevvveerrryyoonnneeeee yang has left me hundreds of missed calls and thousands of text messages complaining and demanding to know why I don't pick up my phone. PUHLEEEEEZZZZ LAAAAHHH!! Unless you're one of my girlfriends, don't think you have the right to demand anything! Girlfriends in this case refers ONLY to my jimbons and my TESL besties. I might've been nice before this, but now I'm annoyed. Really VERY annoyed. To a point that I just couldn't care less! You got that? Kalau I tak angkat my phone tu, tolong la wei, jangan lah paranoid sangat pikiaq aku nak gaduh ka aku sombong aku ada BF ka. Yeaa, that's the worse one so far. Ada la orang ni, bila aku tak angkat misscall dia smpai brapa juta kali aku pon x ingt, blh pulak antaq msg cakap "takpa la u da ada BF la tu da xnak angkat I call. takpa." Seriously, LOL!!! I mean LOL as in you're the biggest, most annoying piece of patheticness I've ever come across! Baguih la kalau da ang kata TAKPA, senang kheja aku xpayah nak be polite or anything in telling you off. Dah tu kalau takpa TAKPA la! Toksah la dok kacau aku lagi! Ni dak, dok jugak mencuba nasib. If I didn't pick up your call before cuz I was busy, now maybe I ain't picking up simply cuz you annoyed me. Paham dak??
As far as I know myself, I'm not the kinda person yang saja-saja nak buat orang sakit hati or saja suka nak gaduh-gaduh. So, tolong la jangan paranoid sangat when I don't pick up boleh dak? And if any of you (that I'm referring to) read this pon, jangan come up with any not-too-bright ideas bout me trying to gaduh or takmau kawan dah or anything. C'mon laa, PLEASE JUST GROW UP! So far, I don't have any mysterious reasons for not wanting to befriend anyone so quit asking me why I dah takmau kawan dengan you. If there is any reason at all it's because you're annoying me wayyy too much. I got a life to attend to, sorry.

Besok ja la

2011-07-26T01:32:00.000+08:00

Lots to say, too tired to spill em. Ttyl guys, goodnight.

PS - I wanna marry a pastry chef, pretty please...Damn it, why can't I get Tyler Florence?! T.T

Remind Me Never to Go Out with Her Again Please

2011-07-24T05:07:00.000+08:00

This is a post penuh dengan frustration.

How many times do I have to endure this before I serik entah. I really REALLY don't like (trying so hard to avoid the HATE word) going out with my little siblings. They're soooo boring! I know you're dying to know what happened (more like I'm dying to spill actually).

Macam ni...I went out with my little brother, sister and cousin this morning. Initially, they wanted to go to TimeSquare but honestly, that's the last place I'd be eager to visit; so we avoided KL n stopped short in Subang instead. I didn't even WANT to go, mind you. I was dragged just to drive em there and I knew it. I did mention my reluctance and suggested that they ask Tap (my other lil brother) to take em instead; but they came up with a million reasons and I don't blame them. Tap can get a wee bit cranky sumtimes, but hey, I can get cranky too ya know! Jangan ingat aku ikut ja cakap hampa aku ni baik sangat! Huh, geram la..

I practically had to wake them up thi mornin cuz we agreed to go early (to avoid spending an hour looking for a parking). Then I had a billion chores to do before we finally managed to get out. My sister slept in the car, my brother and cousin were in the back chattering bout things I couldn't join (dance and bands -.-"). I hate it when my sister sleeps in the car and I have to drive; but I especially hate it when she was the one who forced me to come along when I didn't even want to and she gets to snooze while I watch the road. Call me childish but she ain't no child no more, she could've taken public transport fer goodness sake.

So, finally we reached the place. Went straight to the movies to get a ticket. Last night when we were surfing the net for movies to watch, we initially wanted to catch Larry Crowne; but she suddenly changed her mind cuz the movie was rated 18. I mean, c'mon! It's not like she isn't 18! So instead, we went and gotten tix for Hanna. We only had about an hour till the movie so we went on a tiny shoe hunt fer a bit and stopped by McDonalds to get her McMuffins (cuz she NEEDED them, or so she said. She bought 3 for herself). Halt! I don't wanna talk bout this, got more important things to stress. Like the fact that she ajak balik right after lunch! We went shoe hunting for less than an hour (and thank God I got sumink fer myself), ran to watch Hanna and went fer lunch. Lepaih tu troih dia mngadu penat and ajak balik. Such a party pooper laa! I don't get to go out as often as I would like; so I expect the few times I do get to escape would be worth the effort la.

Yang paling I benci tu is tengah-tengah I dok makan (me tummy wez grumblin) my lunch, she didn't order anything cuz she still had some McMuffins, dia buat muka boring and stared at me eat as if I was keeping her from leaving the joint (which of course was true but heyy, I was eatin!). My brother pon sama. Just cuz nuthin they wanted was on sale, and he didn't get anything for himself he pulled the same face my sister had on. It was SO ANNOYING! I rasa mcm nak cakap ja "can you guys at least ACT like you're having a blast? Like my effort gettin ready and drivin you guys all the way here was worth sumthin?? Was it honestly too much to ask?? Ugh, benci gila. I'm gonna learn to say NO next time. No, not next time, Imma do it straight away! Hmm, hardly anything to test it on considering it's now 3.20AM and I'm the only soul still awake in this house. Huu.

Nevermind, the point is, I won't let them take advantage of me nemore. I simply won't! It's not the first time you know even if you might think I'm overreacting and that I should just drop this and go to sleep (I would so love to go to sleep right now. Sigh). Sometimes she would ajak me go out for a meal and before I'm even done with my serving, dia dah ajak balik dah. Things don't revolve around her alone, tolong la sedaq diri skit. I hate it hate it hate it! :'(

Suka hati dia ja nak bos me around. And I pon ikut ja that smart ass head of hers. Tak suke la macam ni...

Huh! Enough bout snotty little good for nuthin siblings (sounds mean gila. lol whatevs), now I wanna talk about Hanna. I hadn't heard of this movie till only last night when I was browsing the TGV website for movies now showing. I often love thrillers and the trailer was quite good. Though Ain said it was too bloody, I don't mind blood on the screen as long as it remains on the screen. However, once the movie was over, I realised that I was disappointed. You see that's the thing, you don't feel so through out the entire movie till you realise the ending was incomplete, and that's the main drawback of the movie. I'll brief you a bit on the plots.

So, Hanna's the daughter of Eric Bana, who seemed a wanted criminal or sumink of the sort. Then there's Cate Blanchett (I love her) who's basically after the two of em, primarily Eric Bana la. So Eric, whose name was Erik Heller in the movie, had been in hiding for years in some forest or other with his daughter. Though Cate might be the officials, she's got her hands dirty too in all this biz. So you see, there's already a vague outline of the plot and it seems every bit normal kan. Unfortunately, they started many things that wasn't completed by the end of the movie; for example, what happened to Sophie's family that was taken hostage. You know apart from that, they also made things super easy by eliminating the characters they no longer needed till you could really tell if a guy's gonna die or not. It's almost as if they were too excited to get the movie finished and released that they decided to scrap whatever action-free scene the movie was supposed to contain. You know, they couldn't finish up on Sophie (Hanna's friend) and her family but they had enough rolls to film Cate Blanchett brushing her teeth twice! Now, as much as I love the woman, I could've done without seeing her brush her perfect set of pearly whites. And you know what's worse? I haven't even mentioned the worst part yet; I left the cinema with eyes so tired I felt like ripping off my contacts. Unfortunately I didn't bring the necessities. There were many parts that you can tell the camera man's running on foot cuz the shots were down right terrible! I hate camcord movies and at parts of this movie I was left with that same nauseous feeling - was such a big turn off. Overall, I'd say the movie was OK (cuz action wise, I enjoyed it); however, I wouldn't recommend it unless you've watched almost everything that's showing and you're to choose between this and Senario Ops Pocot, then please ye.

Geez, sedaq x sedaq it's 3 minutes to 5AM already - my shift is almost over, YAY! Till then, how else should I kill time eh? Goodnight all you beautiful readers!

Let Me Ride the Clouds

2011-07-23T01:13:00.001+08:00

I'm sure you've heard this a million times; we don't usually get what we want, but God knows best and He gives us what we need. I'll only say it once so don't shut this tab just yet. I don't think I have to tell you how far true the statement is unless you're a snotty little kid who thinks its cool to be Nelly and have stickers on your face. I hope such kids don't read my blog, honestly; not good for the brain. Anyways, getting back to the statement above, I was just reminded of it again and that's why I'm writing this. I would've been asleep otherwise.

I was scouting around Facebook cuz I just loooove wasting time like that and I read sumink that would've brought me down to the ground if I had not known the statement above. You know how it feels when you kinda like sumone and suddenly they post up sumink mushy and you well enough know it ain't bout you; yea, that sorta angry + frustrated + why the hell did I have to like him feeling all jumbled up in your tummy making you half nausea in a sec. I hate it; but then again who doesn't, right? I'm obviously stating tons of 'the obvious' in this post so I guess you can shut this tab if you've got sumink more important to attend to.

I sat a while before I came to writing this cuz I was trying to absorb everything you know. I'm not saying at all that I just found out that this guy that I like is currently seeing sumone else or anything; despite the fact that it seemed rather the case in the previous paragraph. Btw, are these clumps of sentences divided by these few selangs considered paragraphs? I was just wondering cuz we don't start em off leaving some space before the first word like we do in our essays in school kan...

Aghh. I'm not feeling very good on one hand, and I can't really pin down why. But on the other hand, I'm rather ecstatic! I love the fact that I share some of my dad's passion for cars and bikes. Cuz though I would never (never say never dude) afford a performance car or a Versys right now, but he can! All I gotta do is slither my way through. Muahahah! No la, jokin onlyyy; I haven't even gotten my biker's license yet. I told Abah I wanted to already and like a week ago he said it's totally fine. Then some 3,4 days ago he was on his way home from work and there was a fatal accident involving a trailer and a motorcycle on the Federal Highway and he slowly tried to inject his growing reluctance on my getting that license. Haha, pandai dol Abah. Ho noooess, I ain't stoppin just yet. A dear sumone once taught me that we shouldn't be afraid of sumink that might not happen. I know it sounds silly, really; that's exactly what I told him when he first told me. Then he explained it very simply; "kalau benda dah tersurat, macam mana kita lari pon akan jadi jugak. We shouldn't stop pursuing just because we're afraid that sumink bad might happen cuz then we wouldn't do anything bout anything at all. Instead, berusaha to do things right and leave the rest to Him". When I thought it over, I realised that that very mindset translates back to the two step guide to do anything and everything - berusaha and bertawakal (forgot the arabic term for berusaha). Anyways, the point is, instead of killing my dream to ride afraid that I might fall, I should instead pursue and take care of myself, ride carefully and perfect my skills. Is that not right? :))

Gots more to blabber bout but I'm catching an early movie tomorrow, wouldn't wanna miss that. Goodnight world!

PS - You'll get that R1, Matin. XP

Me vs. Dry Active Yeast

2011-07-19T16:21:00.000+08:00

Been a while since I last posted sumink that actually required mental exercise; not that I'm saying this post would be so. Someone asked me to post on how to learn Grammar, and I've been workin on it fer AGES! It just won't complete! Dang. I'm dead serious; I've been goin over it tons of times, adding more and more to the post but it just won't finish! Alasan memang seribu. But I just meant to complain, I'm not touching that post today (maybe I will tonight just to keep the boys off my lappy). Ryte, enough bout undone posts.

What's worse than handling a recipe that requires you to wait overnight? Handling a recipe that requires you to wait overnight and having it turn out WRONG! That's what happened to my first batch of cinnamon rolls. I was a wee bit too excited (don't imagine please) to roll me some cinnamon rolls yesterday that I started heating the milk and combining the yeast and stuffs without checking my supplies first. BIG mistake. In the midst of concocting the dough, I realized I didn't have enough flour. Shite big time! Considering I was still in my jammies (at 4pm), I rushed Abang to go out and get some and fast! But well, who was I kidding, fast is sooo not Abang. He got home with 2 packets of flour after 20 minutes. I would've been home earlier even if I had walked! So anyways, I was considering between scraping the whole thing into the bin and continue and pray that it still works. You see, that's the thing about making bread of any kind. It's such a pain cuz you're working with living yeast instead of your regular inanimate organic ingredients. Everything that's alive and kicking would have a mind of their own. To cut things short, my rolls didn't rise in the fridge and when I decided to try the oven anyways, they berkeras kepala and didn't wanna cook at all. Instead, the dough remained doughy and the sugar filling melted onto the baking sheet creating a big mess of fat together with the grease on the pan. Annoying gila.

SO...this morning I got Abang to get me a new packet of yeast at 7.30 in the morning and started the painstaking process all over again; no stubborn yeast can make me kneel. Now the second batch of rolls are healthily rising in the fridge looking oh so adorable and delicious! But I can't sink my teeth in them till tonight so instead, I made bread pudding for lunch and topped it with a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Who needs a meal when u got a dessert? xD

First Attempt: Napoleons (Apple)

2011-07-15T22:57:00.000+08:00

Ahhh, puas hati aku. Dah 5 hari I didn't bake anything, gian gila plak siang tadi. Tengok2, gula habeh! There's hardly anything I can make without sugar, plain white sugar. So, terpaksalah tunggu Abang come back from work just now with some. Unfortunately pulak, just when Abang arrived home tadi, I had to go out fetch Akah from college pulak. Dangit! Now, finally, I get to bake! Lepas gian aku. Kah3!

I made the easiest thing on the planet! But I had no idea what to name it, so I looked for the recipe online (yes, just to get the name). But I couldn't find one exactly like what I made. Closest I found was Strawberry Napoleons which was almost exactly what I made only they used strawberries. So, I guessed what the heck! xD

Watched Dreamgirls

2011-07-15T10:16:00.001+08:00

I've been meaning to post this since yesterday, and even now, I don't have much time to spare; so Imma make this a quick one.

Wednesday night, I went to watch the premiers of Dreamgirls! The show was scheduled to begin at 8.30PM but Wanai and I arrived quite early (VERY early to be exact. whatevs). We honestly had nuthin to do, god how I wished I had GPS installed. T.T

Haven't seen Wanai in AGES! The semester break's already halfway through and only the day before did we go out. Shiton gila. It's like this every single sem break you know. With all of them. And bila the break's almost over baru la everyone's got time to hangout. Ugh, rindu all of them Jimbons. NOT! (Just in case Nadon's readin this)

Right, back to Dreamgirls. It was fabulous!! I got the tix from a dear friend of mine cuz unfortunately she couldn't make it. Thanks Eka! ♥ The show was of course, as you've probably guessed, an adaptation from the movie and Broadway production and though I would've LOVED to watch Beyonce live instead, but Cheryl Samad was just as awesome! There was also Tony Eusoff, Azura Zainal, Dina, Dafi and the AMAZING voice of Elvira Arul (Yes, I took all these names off the internet cuz I mmg x knal nama artis). If you haven't yet heard of this Elvira girl, you should really check her out on Youtube doin the promo for Dreamgirls - she's amazing. But if course, the Youtube vids are no match for what she has to offer on stage. I'm like dead serious. As for the show, I haven't yet seen the movie and though I was very much tempted to before goin the other day, I couldn't kill my curiosity or the show would'nt hve been fun, right? So, I passed. The story's basically about this group of girls; Deena, Effie and Lorell, who wished more than anything to make it big in showbiz. Dreamgirls' tells the story of their ups and downs, of everything they faced behind stage; and the best part of it all, to me at least, was the ending. I loved the fact that it wasn't just a typical story with heroes and heroines; instead, it portraits the fact that everybody makes mistakes and that losing what you love is not necessarily a loss. I loved it! Congratulations to all that was involved!

However, what I wasn't too excited about was...the fact that it was only over by 11.40PM. Shite. We were starving (despite having already eaten Subway that evening) so we dropped by A&W in PJ before heading home. Wanai told me she's never been out with friends that late and I was startin to worry her mom wouldn't let her hangout with me nemore. Haha. I finally reached home at 1AM and I was pooped. Like seriously, drained. All I could think of was my bed and a good night's sleep; BUT, I only went to sleep at 3AM. Motif kan? haha.

That's all I have time for guys, will talk more soon, till you semua malaih nak baca nanti. xD

Toodles~

Oh one more thing, the seat was fantastic! ♥

PS - I gotta bake sumink today. Gian.

First Attempt: Lemon Yogurt Muffins

2011-07-10T23:38:00.002+08:00

Seriously, I gotta get myself a new hobby.

Today I made a total of 48 lemon yogurt muffins! Not stressing on the amount. Sumpah if it was someone else, I would've slapped them silly sebab xdak kheja sangat dok masuk dapoq, whippin up batches of fattening sweetness. Geez! No surprise my pants are slowly backstabbing me. And I was supposed to be on a diet? LOL gila. Anyways, I blame Ain for today's damage cuz she gave me this simple recipe (cuz I asked her for it) I used and they were absolutely gorge! I was so giddy to try them that I didn't wait for them to cool much before dripping their tops with the lemon glaze I prepared and poppin them into my mouth. Not good. I thought they were quite dry and the muffins themselves sorta lacked taste. Disappointed, I continued with the rest of the batches just to get everything over and done with. After a couple of rounds, I was tempted much again by the lemony scent from the glaze that I took another muffin that'd been cooled and poked and drizzled with glaze some 15 - 20 minutes before. It was super! Moist and super lemony - then only did I figure them muffins should of course need time to rest and soak in the glaze before it'd turn delish. Ugh, tu pon xtaw ka Liyana? Dangit. So, I was happy la balik...

Lemon Yogurt Muffins

But still, I don't need all that fat. >.<

PS - Any of you guys interested in a couple of MTV World Stage passes? If you are, click this jiggama!

First Attempt: Apple Strudel

2011-07-10T01:09:00.002+08:00

Don't get too excited, I only made MINI apple strudels; definitely nothing close to those infamous Ritz apple strudels you'd kill for. Ugh, suddenly I'm tasting those delish strudels from that Fruity bakery you don't see anywhere anymore. They were to die for! Not to mention mighty expensive as well (sigh). Anyways, I owe this batch of deliciousness to my mom cuz when she heard that I wanted to go scavenge Tesco for some frozen pastry puffs, she called me just to say "apple strudel". I love my mom. ♥

So, anyways, I made a batch of 6 strudels just now and I was still left with enough filling to whip up another half a dozen puffs tomorrow morning! Ain't that super? And as if the deliciousness wasn't enough to put me to bed tonight with a smile on my face, it was also super economical! OK, so I heard of this Pampas puff pastries before and I went to Carrefour the other day to check em out. I learned that they were RM15 per pack of 6 (sadly placed it back in the freezer). I told my mom bout it and she said I should've just taken em, what's RM15 when you can make such delish guilty pleasures out of them. That's what she would've said even if she didn't. Anyways, I personally thought they were expensive. It's psychology u know. Like anyways, then I went to Tesco just this morning and found Kawan puff pastries! They were much tinier sheets as compared to Pampas, but they cost RM4.39 only. So, psychology played its trick on me again and I thought they were super cheap! Come to think of it, they are! And they were packs of tens, but I'll do my arithmetic a little later aite. I'm already getting super sleepy, so we'll cut this short okay. Imma give you the recipe for this super easy, super cheap apple, and of course super delish mini apple strudels aite!

Mini Apple Strudel

Ingredients:

12 sheets of mini frozen puff pastries, thawed (cut them if they're the big sheets)

4 Granny Smith apples sliced

2 Granny Smith apples roughly chopped into cubes

2/3 cup brown sugar

1 tsp ground cinnamon

1 tsp butter/margarine

egg wash

Steps:

1) Preheat your oven to 200°C and line a baking sheet with some parchment paper.

2) In a small pot, cook your sliced apples on the stove and drop in the butter while stirring.

3) Add the brown sugar and ground cinnamon into the pot and keep stirring the mixture till the sugar is well dissolved and the apples start to release their water content. You'll find that the liquid content in your pot has magically increased; just let it simmer away.

4) When liquid has decreased, add in your chopped apples and cook the mixture just until the newly inserted apples soften a little.

5) Fill your puff pastry sheets with the apple fillings and close em up nice and tight with wet fingers. (Try avoid spooning as much liquid as you can, you don't want soggy puffs.) You can also press the edges with a fork to create crow-feet marks.

6) Brush the top of your puffs with any type of egg wash you prefer. (eg: egg, egg and milk, egg and water)

7) Place your puffs onto your baking sheet, cut or poke some holes on the top of em and bake em for 40 minutes precisely.

et voila!

Super delish, trust me!

First Attempt: Pineapple, Milo and Egg

2011-07-09T16:03:00.000+08:00

Sounds gross when you put those three ingredients together kan? Don't worry, I didn't. Just forgot to update them one by one so I'm stuffin them all in this one post.

Here're my babies:

Portuguese Egg Tart

Pineapple Upside down Cake

Milo Brownies

And that's just about it. Will post again tonight. Good day~

Doo Goood

2011-07-04T11:39:00.001+08:00

Haa. I finally made it to the bank this mornin, pheewh! Paid the bills and the tickets (so can't wait) off. I did feel bad fer one thing though. I so felt like switchin my number with this one Indian uncle who came some 4,5 minutes after me cuz he looked as if he should be at home restin instead of waitin in a stuffy bank. But my number was called in no time and I could've asked him to go 1st instead but I didn't. That's all. Sigh. I'll do some good some other times. :)

Gotta send Hafiz to school in a bit and I'm sooooo tempted to stop fer some popiah while I'm at it, but I'm too lazy to be seen wonderin in that mall bearing the tension tryin to guess whether or not my car parked on the roadside's being clamped. Unless Hafiz would go down buy em popies and I can guard my car then I'd get em. xD

I really have nuthin to say in this short a time. Ugh, my battery's dyin anyways. Guess I'd better get off. I WILL post sumink more useful soon. (i must)

I'm Choked

2011-07-01T15:11:00.002+08:00

I'm gonna make this quick cuz I gotta head down to the bank in a bit to pay off the bills. Abah's goin to Hafiz's school to sign his report card so he told me to go. That isn't the problem. The problem is that I just found out we're using over RM500 worth of electricity a month! Whataheckk!! It's insane! Maybe some of your parents are paying even more and it's nuthin to you guys but it sure hell is sumink for me! Good God. RM500?? What did we even use??

Worst part is, imagine how guilty I should feel towards mother nature? When I looked at the number, I think she practically slapped me. However, as guilty as I may feel, I can't help myself from pointing fingers as well. Ugh. Buat dosa aku ja kalau nak mention in here. Sabaaaq..

OK, nevermind that fer now. I'll just pay the bills with my eyes closed. I tried makin some onion rings last night. Felt kinda guilty cuz I made em after my hour of sweatin, but Hafiz kept askin and I couldn't resist. (Righht) Well, once they were done, they looked absolutely APPALLING! Fortunately however, they tasted like onion rings. So my brothers were happy. xD

Geez, I got one hour till the bank shuts, better get off right now. I got soooo many draft posts I gotta work on right now, been really slackin lately. xOO Sorry guys.

Till later, toodles!

Blown Candles

2011-06-28T02:26:00.000+08:00

All alone on this cold night, in this lifeless room, moved only by the sounds of the dancing fingers and the jumping message boxes on the other tab. It's 2AM and I should've been well enough asleep, I expect to rise in only a little more than 2 hours. Doesn't seem too achievable now. Whatevs.

I wish I was here with him, maybe not exactly at 2 in the morning tho. Lets change the setting. 3PM, picnic in the fields. That'd be nice. We'd be dressed in our finest cuz we're cool like that. I'd have on a purple sleeveless with a black n white striped long sleeve on the inside, yellow scarf wrapping my head, jeans n designer heels just to go over board. And he'd have on some over sized shoes n a pair of white 3 quarts, a pink tee that tells you to quit yappin and shades. Not Ray-Ban, no where close. Rather, those ridiculous striped shades in white. Yes, the picture's pretty.

It's a picnic, but we don't have much to feast on. Just an apple pie, only cuz I'm cravin fer an apple pie right now, and a large oreo McFlurry that's got it's top opened and has a couple of french fries sticking out from the ice-cream. The cup stands right in the middle of the gingham. Yes, right there. That's nice.

So, he sits there looking across the field into nothingness. And maybe I should be flying a kite or sumink. Not good, I dunno how to fly kites. Damn. Fine then, I picked daisies and am trying to make a necklace. Too girly. Fine then, either that or I'm plucking weeds! I'll take the daisy necklace.

As he looks across the scenic masterpiece, I ask if he's gonna eat the ice-cream. He tells me I can have it and I'd love to. Only I can't, not until he eats first cuz I've been waitin thru out 3 freakin daisy necklaces to sing to him. So he picks up the cup and pretends to blow the french fry candles, all of them with burnt tips from our our initial attempts to get them to stay burning long enough to blow em out ourselves. Unfortunately we failed miserably. So, he blew the imaginary candles and I sang him Happy Birthday in the ugliest manner, but it's fine, cuz we're cool like that.

That's my best friend. Happy Birthday Nurmateen B Jimin.

Meals

2011-06-18T12:19:00.000+08:00

How many meals are we supposed to eat a day? I know the 3 - breakfast, lunch and dinner thing; but then some health freak comes along and tells me you should eat 6 times a day of small portioned foods. Fine then, but do you name the extra 3 times you dine? Tea, high tea and supper are they? If you've taken breakfast and you're to take lunch later on but you decide to chew on sumsum in between, does it still count as brunch or just a snack? What is "just a snack" anyways? Does it only apply to junk foods and light munching on baby carrots or to any other time you pop sumink into your mouth that is apart from your major meals? Can a plate of spaghetti in between high tea and dinner be counted as "just a snack"? Hows about a serving of mounted pancakes topped with butter and maple syrup in the middle of the night when you just can't fall asleep? It's way past supper already, is it "just a snack"? If pancakes, butter and syrup's still light fer you, how's about a plate of rice at 2 am? What do you call that meal then? Then you have the question of how big is a small portion? It's quite impossible to count the calories in a meal unless you're eating everything cooked in a microwave. How do you count the calories of a plate of mi goreng you cook at home? Here's another thing, what if you're just not hungry, do you still gotta eat at least 3 times a day? Ferget trying to lose weight, I just ain't hungry and I dang well know my brothers aren't hungry, but my mom insists on buying us Domino's pizza fer lunch. I wish I could just tell her thanks a mill mom but we just ain't hungry. I could of course, but I'd hate to say no to her when she's insisting on sumink, tambah pulak it's sumink fer us. She wants to treat us and supposedly we should be thrilled but instead we say no. I don't like that and if anyone's gotta tell her pon it's me jugak. Tak suke laa.

Are meals really necessary? Can't you just eat when you're hungry no matter what time of day it is? Like skip breakfast altogether and eat lunch at 3pm and that would last me till at least 7pm and isn't that a good time fer dinner? Take some soup or sumink fer dinner, kill another 3 hours and go to bed at 11pm. Isn't that fine enuff? How important is a healthy lifestyle? Lol, like I need to ask. I love healthy living. Either healthy in the sense of caring for your personal health and growth, or healthy towards the environment. I do really love it. But honestly, there isn't enough ppl that does, you know? You still do see ppl winding down their windows and littering the streets with gum wrappers and plastic cups. It's sad and pathetic. I wished everytime sumone litters, the rubbish would jump from the ground and stuff their mouth. Hold on, this has nuthin to do with meals . Right.

I've drank some water just now and I feel bloated. Water can be bad fer you, it just isn't. Someone once told me in order to kill fat, and I'm talkin bout gemuk air, you gotta restrain yourself drinkin water. At my first hearing pon it sounded absurd enough, then I learned that the dude was really serious. But of course, I couldn't believe his theory for a second. Not drinkin enough water is the cause of gemuk air. I'm not stupid. Sure, he might've lost weight before and I'm still stuck a big fat hippo, but I only blame myself fer not staying away from sugar and desserts, certainly not because I drink too much water. I've strayed away from the subject again. I need a bath. Goin off now.

First Attempt: Fruit Tart

2011-06-18T00:21:00.000+08:00

It's precisely 12 midnight right now and I'm pooped. Still haven't taken off my contact lenses though - malas GILA. Huu. Spongebob's Campfire song's playin on the tv. Good lord it's annoying. Ok, just 2 seconds left. Ahh, habes pon. So, where was I?

Right, I'm dead pooped; but, tonight I'm real happy! Pourquoi? I made a tart! Yayy! Honestly, if there's anything I'd want that money can buy it's a damn good kitchen with everythin, you know what I'm sayin. I wish I had one of em Signature Kitchen pieces. I'd camp in a sleepin bag in my kitchen dag nabbit! Geez, oh wells, I'll get it one day and I'll make sure of that. Till then, Bon Appétit!

Sigh. Nak diet ke Liyana? Dream on.

Just Waiting

2011-06-17T06:20:00.001+08:00

You know, I hate waiting. Which is really unfair considering I'm usually late fer everything. But I can't stand waiting. And currently, I'm forced to wait. The minutes are agonizing. I've only 3 hours left to stare blankly into this screen before the link is opened. But even then I can't be sure if I'll be gettin through just yet. I'm usually unfortunate when luck is to be leaned on. I'm not complainin - no, I'm too nervous. What am I waiting fer? Same as the most of you I should guess. But then again kan...

I'll tell you when they're out.

PS - Should go solat la now.

First Attempt: Chocolate Mint Creme Cookies

2011-06-09T01:02:00.000+08:00

Right, so I'm blaming Hafiz for any weight gain I might (hopefully not) encounter any time soon. Yesterday, he was messin around allrecipes.com when he came across this one recipe for chocolate mint creme cookies. I know well enough that he was only tempted by the photo. He begged me not to fast today and make him some of those cookies instead. So, I told him okayy, if he wants em. I wasn't really keen at first cuz I'd expected it to be a chore; what with the mint and stuff. But when I realised it used mint extract and not exactly fresh mint sprigs, I was well relieved. I wasn't exactly sure how was it supposed to turn out; too sweet or otherwise, how minty was 1/8 tsp of extract gonna be and stuff - so, I can't really judge if it's the best recipe for the dish, but it definitely was a treat!

I don't already have mint extract in my fridge so I had to go out in the mornin to get some and I forced Hafiz to come along. We first went to that bigger baking supply shop in section 13, you know the one over in the back? I don't usually go there but considering it seemed like it had everything as compared to Yen's that I usually visit, I thought I should go there straight. It was a mistake. You know, I don't get it, why do we more than often get lousy service in Malaysia? People with no manners should be banned from any customer servicing area. I'm dead serious! I was wondering around the store clinging on an annoying shopping basket (I hate shopping baskets) and all I could find was brown sugar. I couldn't find the all-purpose flour that I wanted, no sight of mint extract, no local (normal) semisweet chocolate chips. So, I said to Hafiz never mind, we'll ask for the mint extract (if they don't have it then I doubt anyone does) and we'll get the rest of the stuffs at Yen's. So, I went la to the old woman who was sorting out the milk and butter in the fridge and asked her if they had any mint extract. She must've had hearing problems cuz she almost shouted in a very unfriendly manner, tellin me "what? Mint? No no we don't have", with her hands shooing me off at "no no". I was like whaaa....? Please la, didn't your grandma teach you any manners?? Bodoh.

So, we went straight to Yen's and guess what...we got everythin we wanted, including the extracts. Heaven gila. ♥

Finally, lets fast forward a couple of hours, them cookies be readayyhh!

Chocolate Mint Creme Cookies -
reminds me of Placette during Christmas ;)

♥

Tag

2011-06-07T01:19:00.001+08:00

#placesiwanttogo

1. Madrid
2. Verona
3. Switzerland
4. France
5. Scotland
6. Mecca ♥

It's 3 AM

2011-06-03T03:07:00.000+08:00

I've got so much to write but I feel empty. It's not emptiness that I wanna fill in this post, it's not exactly how bored and empty I feel that I'd want you to know, Dear Diary. Instead, it's the fact that I'm so overwhelmed with feelings and ideas and views that I feel vacuumed. It's like a balloon filled with too much air that it bursts and you gotta pick up the pieces that scattered but they're so tiny and the mess is everywhere you don't know if you should even bother to clean it up, you know?

It.s 2.26AM right now, and I'm in the comfortable compounds of my bedroom - cold and comfy. But my throat feels dry, it feels constricted. It's rather scratchy and irritating I feel like I should cough to clear it but I'm too dumbfounded by reality to do anything at the moment. Rather ironic saying I'm dumbfounded while at the same time my brain's workin and my fingers are dancing over this keyboard, pressing all these keys, I feel like I'm molesting the keyboard which is really very weird. Imagine if you were a keyboard, you know, they press you all over at any time of the day they please. I'm really talkin bullshit right now and I know it, but I think I'm suddenly feeling sorry fer keyboards. No one ever thought of how they might feel. Maybe I'll start talkin to them next. Shit.

I was half asleep alrdy just now when someone called and though I wasn't quite awake when I picked it up, but I must've at some point and now I can't shut these eyes. I've really been trying to go to sleep early the past week, I'm sick and tired of waking up at 9AM every mornin and missin my Subuh prayer. Speakin of which, I'm on one hand really glad someone woke me up, I haven't done my Isyak yet. Sigh. Oh and one more, my right arm is rly sore. I seem to be getting this a lot lately, sometimes my right, sometimes my left. It bugs me so much.

You know sumink, sumtimes I wished I was in an open relationship right now. Like some of my friends. It seems like a blast you know, not exactly because of the mushy2 aspect, but because you'd have someone to fall back to in the end you know. And your situation would never be considered vague, you know? It's either you're havin a blast or you're not. You're fine or you had a row. You know, it's there, it's clear.

Enough about that. I don't wanna start feelin sorry fer myself. That sure wouldn't take me anywhere, especially not at 2 in the mornin. Sigh.

I haven't been postin anythin these past few days if you haven't noticed. I've hardly touched my laptop, to be honest. I only pulled it out this evening cuz I wanted to check back that peach cake recipe. Which reminds me, it's Hafiz's birthday today and I made him peach cake with butter cream icing. It was delicious! I don't take any credit of course, I owe everything to that awesome recipe. Plus it was so damn easy. I'm definitely gonna make it fer the class Raya party next semester, InsyaAllah. (Please remind me anyone, in case I forget eyh. :p)

I've been randomly approvin ppl on FB again, gotta start filterin again sometime soon. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow before I start on a new book. Which reminds me, Madeleine Wickham a.k.a. Sophie Kinsella, my dear Diary, is a genius! I just finished Remember Me? and it's super! She's such a light read but at the same time it gets you so very engrossed, you know. I don't think I'll start reading the Shopaholic series however, cuz there's too many books involved and I'm worried if I start readin and suddenly not have a book or two, it'll really kill me. So, I'm stickin to her single novels. I really recommend Remember Me? and The Wedding Girl, which I've only just finished as well. I just realised sumthin bout her writing, she writes the best endings. My favourite would definitely be The Wedding Girl, cuz she ended it with a tribute to Allan, a character who's so strong, yet hardly ever appeared in the novel at all. In fact, he was dead all the while after the prologue. But the tribute wasn't by the main character of the novel, but rather by someone else whom he once loved so dearly you'd almost wanna allow their love. Ugh. I can't say much, it'll sound very wrong. But I just must tell you, the ending was near perfect.

I was consulting my little pink library for sumink new to devour and I kept switchin between Wicked and To Kill A Mockingbird. I couldn't quite make up my mind. Then someone texted me and it brought a smile to my face and I suddenly didn't feel like reading about colour discrimination and silly fantasies, I wanted something real and more alive. Finally, I ended up pulling out Becareful What You Wish For by Alexandra Potter, not that I think it isn't much of a fantasy, but at least it didn't have witches trying to become popular, did it? Entahla, I didn't bother to read the back anyways. *shrugs* Who cares.

It's 3.04AM now, I think I rly should get praying fast before I fall asleep all over again. Goodnight world, may you have all the peace I wish I had. Assalamualaikum.

PS - Stop feelin sorry for yourself, I know you'll read this.

PPS - haven't posted that CV yet. I'm doomed. T.T

Cromwell ♥

2011-05-28T12:24:00.001+08:00

The real boy

That there up there's Cromwell. Adorable ain't he? He was Pitchs' baby. We thought he'd grow well amongst the rest cuz he was abandoned since birth and he grew up mighty strong. But alas, he's gone now. Tap went out just a while ago and he came back tellin me "Crom's dead". I thought I misheard him at first, Crom couldn't be dead, he's a real boy now. But Tap loved him most and he sure wasn't kiddin.

Tap picked him up at the end of the street and told me he put him on the bench outside; so I went to check him out while Tap dug him a hole. He looked so beautiful. His eyes were slightly parted, so was his mouth; but you know, I preferred seeing him like that. Cuz tht's how he usually slept, you know. Except that his gums were never so pale, and his eyes were never so still, his paws were never as white and usually, his body would be moving up and down with his breath, right? I couldn't help but stroked his body and he was still very soft and flexible; he must've only recently died. There weren't any tire marks or blood stains or anything; and he was fine just this mornin, so I'm guessin sumone must've hit him on their bumpers or sumink. I curse who ever was responsible.

Damn! It just ain't right you know. It ain't right, it ain't decent. Just cuz you took your eyes off the road, other's are left to dwell on a loss. What the hell is wrong with this world??

Cromwell was such a darling. We've started callin him Pinochio and Real Boy recently. Cuz we found out that he prefers human food to cat nip. I've never seen any cat refuse Whiskers so far, but he did. And it was only just recently. He wouldn't finish his cat nip and instead, come to our feet if we're at the dining table and beg for us to share sumink. And yea, he does eat human food, and I'm not talkin bout left over chicken bones or fish heads. Yesterday he shared a strawberry jam sandwich with Abang and ate peas with Tap. He loves broccoli soup, condensed milk (but we never gave him much of this), and custard pie. Oh, one of the weirdest things he loves is coconut buns, you know, those bun kelapa thingies? Yea, used to share those with him. But still, his favourite was pau ayam Pak Hailam Kopitiam tu. He'd go crazy over em. Hehe.

I miss him already. He scratched me yesterday mornin and I still have the scar. Though it hurt like shit but he was the most adorable thing. I was sitting at the dining table and as always, he climbed my knee to see what I was eatin. Only that I usually didn't mind this cuz I'm almost always in my jeans and didn't feel a thing; but yesterday I was in an oversized tee that went down only to my knee. So, you can imagine la Crommie nak climb up to rasa mcm mana kan. But I couldn't be angry, cuz all he wanted was to share my breakfast. Haha.

I miss him la. Damn you crazy driver, whoever you are. RIP Cromwell my dear, you're a real boy, you are. ;)

Just a Drive

2011-05-28T00:30:00.001+08:00

Before I begin tonight's post, I'd like to scratch the previous post because I suddenly realise that I can't be bounded to any form of formality or uniformed structure in my bloggins cuz that just ain't me. I fergot that I can't do that. So, yea, sorry dear diary. I lied to you yet again.

Okay, nuff bout that. I went over to see Akah at the Puncak Alam UiTM campus this afternoon. If there's anything I'd say at all, it'd be the fact that I'm dead JEALOUS!!! Heyyy! How come those measly little kids get the luxury and comfort of the beautiful campus while senior Edu kids gotta suffer in seksyen 17?? It doesn't make sense! Huwaaa! The place was beautiful and dead humongous! Though still very bare, but once it's fully developed, it'd be heavenly - I can tell. Sangat cantik; but secluded. lol. Oh whatevs. I'd do anything to get out of Shah Alam. T.T Unfortunately though, I didn't take a picture. I couldn't be bothered, not with my lousy phone camera. Maybe next time I'd insert some pretty photos aite. :)

Neways, I took Akah and her friend Farhana out to eat and shop a lil just now. Meant to take em home, but they had sumink up tonight and tmrow mornin so that was cancelled. Maybe next time. I went there alone, and went home alone. It was a most peaceful drive. You know how the road stretches out so long and dry over there. My drive home was really very nice cuz it was startin to get dark and the road was more congested on the other side. You know that feeling of cruel satisfaction when you're happy to see other's suffer more than you - yea well, that's what it made me feel. Har har. Plus, my head was gettin lighter and my nose stopped runnin (Thank God!), so, yea, it was very nice.

When I reached the traffic light in front of the TTDI junction tu, you know, to turn into section 13, the light was red fer a long time. So, whilst waitin, I suddenly realised that 2 lanes to my left, an Anchor truck was queuing. You know Anchor, right? In case you don't, it's a food product brand that produces stuffs like whipped cream, cream cheese and the like. The thing bout Anchor is that as far as I know, their stuffs are good but expensive mencekik! Not rly unnecessarily expensive actually, cream cheese and whipped cream brand ape pon mahal kan. But just cuz I'm always thinkin twice every time I wanna buy em, I'd say they're wicked nonetheless. So anywaaaayyyss, I was starin at the truck and studyin the driver at the same time. It got me thinkin, if I were to high jack that truck, and load my whole MPV with Anchor products, imagine how happy I'd be. The driver seemed distracted enough with his ears plugged with I'm not sure either ear phones or ear plugs. He was bangin the steerin wheel so I'm guessin it must've been ear phones...kot. Just imagine if I rly did that, then I'd go home and bake and bake and bake for days! How heavenly...

While I was concocting that little day dream, I suddenly realised the makcik in the car next to me was gettin restless. Haha! She must've thought I was starin straight at her! Her face was epic! She started fiddlin with somethin near the gear and I almost felt like giving her more goosebumps by maybe winkin or sumink nastier. Haha. But I saved it when the light finally turned green.

Oh one more thing, I realised on Twitter today the hashtag #ihateitwhenimdrivingand was trendin. Which reminded me of the one most terrible thing bout the drive today - the radio was stupid! There wasn't ANYTHING good on radio all the way! I almost couldn't believe it, like seriously la kan. It wasn't a short drive. Sigh.

#ihateitwhenimdrivingand there's absolutely NUTHIN good on the radio.

Goodnight world! ♥

30 Photos

2011-05-24T15:30:00.000+08:00

I noticed that everyone's doin that 30 day challenge thingy either on their blogs or thru FB notes. I nak jugak! It seems like a great way to fill this first month of the holidays. Unfortunately however, I can't find the list of challenges anywhere! Sheesh! Everyone's doin it, but no one displays the full list of challenges, even before their first challenge entry. So, I'm halted.

Instead however, I've got another idea. I'm gonna have photos everyday for 30 days!

(Or till I run outta ideas -_-")

They're most probably gonna be photos I steal off the big net, but whatever la kan. As long as I got sumink to do to fill my days.

Aku Bukan Untukmu

2011-05-22T23:28:00.000+08:00

Just felt I needed a cry.

Watched Pirates

2011-05-21T02:23:00.000+08:00

Just got back from the movies bout an hour ago. Was hell sleepy just now, then I drank tea and suddenly I'm alive again. No, suddenly I'm awake again. Right. This won't take long.

Went to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 4 just now with Abang and the rest. Two words - awesome & dead hilarious. Okay, tht's more than two. Too lazy to hit the backspace. Too lazy to clean off this make up, too lazy to turn off this lappy, too lazy to put these glasses away. Simply too lazy. Just wanna tell you guys that Pirates: On Stranger Tides is definitely a must watch.

Good night dear readers!